Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Now Playing at the Cloverdale Grand Theater on the High Street

Humans Are Among Us!
A Dunce Film Society Production.
Funded by the Addams Family Foundation
and the Confederacy Endowment for the Arts

A gruesome tale of love between a human and zombie. Lucy Luscious, is the beautiful yet lonely secretary of Eldon Flooring, the manager of Capital City’s Cemetery, and former high school tennis star . Lucy is working late one dark and windy night filing burial records. She hears something moving outside her window. A woman's curiosity moves her to make a fateful decision. Armed with a flashlight and one of her high heels in her throwing hand, Lucy stops at the office mirror to check her lipstick and then steps outside. Out in the darkness and under her office window she sees a figure crouched in the bushes. Her flashlight is brought to bare. A white decimated face stares back at her. She screams as she shakes her head back and forth so her naturally curly auburn hair flows across the silver screen. Of course this is required for any beautiful woman encountering a zombie. And in keeping with movie tradition she doesn't run. The zombie is too terrified to move. This forces her to scream again - but at a higher pitch. He still doesn’t move. The zombie seems captivated by her beautiful face and shrill voice. Lucy stops screaming after seeing her deterrent isn't working. She steps closer to this spawn of Satan - this bad boy of the underworld. Is she finding herself attracted to this hideous creature? They stare at each other for several minutes. Lucy begins to chew her gum. A sign of acceptance. She puts her shoe back on and asks if he came there often. She knew it was stupid thing to ask but she couldn’t think of anything else to say to a zombie. They strike up a conversation. It grows personal. She learns his name is Moisel Morpid. Every night he hides near her window to capture another glimpse of his secret love before returning to the crypt. The encounter takes an unexpected turn. What follows can only be described as grossly unnatural. So hideous it must be seen to believe.

This affair is discovered by Eldon Flooring, whom we discover is also madly in love with Lucy. In a rage fueled by passion and jealousy, Eldon recruits a gang of half crazed, half drunk regulars from the nearest Pub to help hunt this zombie down. Strangely enough, the gang arrives at the cemetery carrying torches, even though they all have operational flashlights in their trucks.
  • What will Happen?
  • Will Moisel Live? Perhaps another stupid question but this movie isn’t afraid to ask the stupid questions.
  • What will happen to Lucy Luscious? Will she ever find true happiness? Will she ever find a lipstick that truly compliments her naturally curly auburn hair and her autumn but nearly winter complexion?
  • Will Capital City feel the wrath of Humans Gone Wild?
These questions, and others, are answered in this non awarding winning, yet entirely forgettable film. Don’t miss it. Bring the whole family (accept anyone younger than sixteen. Also it may be best to leave grandma and grandpa at home. Some scenes could cause choking if their dentures are loose.)

Prepare to scream.
Prepare to cower in fright.
Prepare to give the Heimlich Maneuver to the guy next to you when he gasps
in retched horror after realizing that the ugly zombie can get a hot girl and he can't.

Oh the humanity! And shot on a low budget.

Show times are every evening at 7:00 and 9:00 P.M.

Remember, there’s plenty of parking in the rear of the theater. IF YOU DARE!!

1 comment:

  1. Scary movie ooooooooohhhhhhhhhh! The lipstick, flaming torches, gum chewing, the screams..all perfect details for a zombie movie.....

    Perhaps the next scary movie deals with a teacher entombed in a Star Lab with 37 zombie sixth graders for 20 minutes...now that's scary!!!!!!!!!