Saturday, September 18, 2010

Cloverdale's HayHenge

Albert Livingstone immigrated to the Confederacy twenty five years ago from England. After working at various jobs for several years he managed to scrape together enough money to purchase the old Millwood farm outside of Cloverdale.

With farm in hand Albert moved onto his next goal - marriage. Twenty years ago Albert married Norma Sipps of Dibley in the Downs. They enjoy each other’s company and are content to spend their evenings on the farmhouse porch watching the sun paint their fields in brilliant color.

Albert Livingstone

Ten years ago Albert returned to England to visit his remaining family. While there, he visited Stonehenge and marvelled at the ruins - a monument to a long gone ancient way of life.

One evening, shortly after his return, Albert and Norma sat in the cool of the evening talking about his trip and the sights he’d seen. Albert described Stonehenge. He explained how the great stones were arranged to reflect the changing seasons. Norma listened as she rocked back and forth.

“Nothing like that in this Shire,” she said. “We’re the ancient monuments around here.”

The couple laughed together. Albert looked out over his fields. It was time to bail the hay. Autumn was upon them.

“The Wilburs are getting their corn maze staked out,” Albert pointed down the road to Mr. and Mrs. Wilbur and their two children still living at home. “They do pretty well with that corn maze. They make enough in the Fall to pay for one of their kid’s tuition's at school.”

That’s when the thought struck him. Why not create something else for the locals to visit after they’ve navigated the Wilbur’s corn maze?

Cloverdale's Local Druid Congregation

Today, the Livingstone HayHenge has become a local tradition for folks from miles around. Hundreds visit the monument of hay until its toppled after the Winter Solstice.
The Shire’s Druid community are especially grateful for the work Albert and Norma put into making the monument astronomically correct. Every December 21st the Druids host the Solstice Social. At sun set they gather at the HayHenge to pray to their gods for the return of the sun. Bonfires light up the night sky. There is dancing, singing and good food.

English Druids visiting the HayHenge

Be sure to take time to visit Cloverdale’s two Autumn attractions, the Wilbur’s Corn maze and the Livingstone’s HayHenge. Both activities make for a wonderful family outing.

Remember, the local Druids have one of their own stationed at HayHenge most afternoons to explain the monument and how similar it is to the real Stonehenge in England. The talk is usually interesting, and sometimes entertaining.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Cloverdale's Shopping News

By Trish Stanturly
Host of Cloverdale Weekend Television's Shopping In Cloverdale, An Insider's Guide

and Reporter for The Shopping News

Dear Readers,
Trish Stanturly reporting on a new discovery sure to create quite the buzz at your next social gathering and make you the talk of the neighborhood.

The Piggly Wiggly in Cloverdale recently added Bacon Flavored Toothpicks to their selection of the strange and exotic. You'll find them on their Wall of Exotic Culinary Wonders as you enter the store, shelved next to American Beans and Franks.

Although pricier than normal toothpicks our readers report that this product is worth the few extra cents spent.

The manager reports that this is one time only item so pick them up quickly before they're sold out.


Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Four Injured in Tragic Accident on the Downs at Dibley.

Bystander Kevin W. Harvie Caught the Moment of Impact on his iPhone, Purchased During a Shopping Trip to the Apple Store at Capital City.

Confederacy Times
September 14, 2010

A balloon belonging to Bud Tolberg, a longtime resident of Cloverdale and president of Cloverdale’s Odd Fellows Club and Elder at the Saved by Grace Lutheran Church collided into a row of Port a Potties at the Dibley in the Downs Balloon Festival last Saturday.

“I knew we were in trouble when that gust of wind blew in from nowhere. I was shoutin at everybody to get outta the way but I guess that’s kind of hard to do while yer trying to pull up yer pants,” he said when interviewed by Dibley Constable Sylvia Truesdale, a long time resident of Dibley, having moved there as a child when her father lost his job in Fernwood on the Moor for insubordination in 1977.

Injured in the accident were Marsha Ercanbrack, Domonique House, and Clifford and Shane Warbley.

“I had just stepped into the facilities and sat down when I heard a man yelling for everyone to get out of the way,” she said while attempting to wipe the blue toilet chemical from her pants. “Well, I didn’t know what he was on about. I mean, who would ever expect a balloon would drop from the sky and knock over the very outdoor toilet you happen to be sitting in?”

Domonique wasn’t so lucky. He was violently thrown against the wall while standing over the toilet. His head struck the Hand Sanitizer Dispenser knocking him unconscious. The door popped open spilling him out onto the lawn. According to his wife he is home resting comfortably and enjoying extra attention from his family.

Life long brothers Clifford and Shane Warbley emerged from their respective toppled potties drenched in blue chemical uninjured. A few minutes later both started complaining of a headache and blurred vision. It appears both were allergic to the chemical. A few minutes later their airways started to close. Nobody in the crowd offered mouth to mouth recitation fearing the contents of the liquid. Luckily an ambulance was on hand. Both are doing well in hospital with only bruised egos to show for the day’s incident.

Bud Tolberg has been fined for recklessness in ballooning. He quarreled with the Constable, reasoning you cannot fine him for an act of God.

“Well I can’t very well fine God for this can I?” Constable Sylvia Truesdale replied while ripping off the ticket and pinning it to the balloon.

Monday, September 13, 2010

This Just In

We welcome back our international roving war correspondent, Mortimer Thunk, who has recently recovered from a prolonged bout with Tapeworms in the distant country of Parasitistan.

In the War on Occasional Terror, it's important to see how the allied nations are coping with the advanced equipment supplied by the United States to their armed forces. In the country of MicroAtollesia, the defense forces there have been supplied with advanced polystyrene carbon-based patrol craft intended for interception of insurgent Sith-Kabob commandos travelling the eel-infested waterways.

To train their men on the new craft, the government has devised a clever water-craft simulator which is shown here in operation. The beauty of this simulator is that is energy efficient and uses up little of the country's precious fresh water supply.

Mark Daymont
Editor in Chief
Confederacy Times

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Duchess is Going Unicorn Spotting.

Duchess Waits Patiently

Duchess is once again waiting for her owner. It’s Sunday morning in Cloverdale and Janice Beechly will do what she has always done on a summer Sunday morning - unicorn spotting.

Janice loves unicorns, is single, and doesn’t get out much - except for her Sunday unicorn spotting and of course her job as a customer service attendant at the local Red Owl Grocery Store. Duchess is her best friend and confidant. Together they’ve searched the Shire’s enchanted forests from one end to the other. When they finish they start over again because spotting unicorns requires diligence, patience, and an unwavering belief in magic and the enchanted creatures such a believe requires of its faithful.

Janice admiring her art work painted on her mother's car door.
They are a unicorn believing family.

Janice believes today may be the day she and Duchess spot their first unicorn. Janice had a dream the night before. In the dream she saw a lovely white unicorn standing near a gently running stream banked by thick green grass sprinkled with yellow flowers. Behind the unicorn was a tree recently struck by lightning. Lightening struck trees have magical powers which attract magical creatures. Janice remembers seeing the tree from her dream in last year’s search.

Yes, today was the day they will spot their first unicorn. Every fiber in her being said so, along with the tea leaves in her morning cupper.

Duchess waits while Janice gathers her magic kit and camera. They’ll be on the road soon. It is the kind of day that makes Duchess appreciate she’s a dog.