Saturday, December 11, 2010

The Twumble's, Cloverdale's Christmas Family for 2010.

Skye and Orma Twumble live at 1225 In the Marshes, Cloverdale. They were selected to be Donaldson’s Department Store’s Christmas Family for 2010.

Skye is the regional director for Confederacy Telephone and Telegraph. Orma is her kid’s mom and the PTA President for St. Bartholomew’s School.

The nominating committee announced the Twumble’s selection on Cloverdale Weekend Television during a commercial break for the holiday classic “The Wizard of Oz”.

“This is the Twumble family from The Marshes in Cloverdale. They represent everything this village holds dear,” the announcer spoke with his lips actually touching the microphone. You could tell he was nervous and not use to speaking on television with the potential of a few dozen watching. The announcer cleared his throat to continue, then paused when he noticed a disgusting dribble of mucus on the microphone. He took his handkerchief and wiped it clean before continuing. “Mr. Skye Twumble is a respected citizen, known for his trustworthiness. After all, being the district manager for the telephone company gives Mr. Twumble access to everyone’s phone line and therefore everyone’s dirty little secrets. Does he use this information to his advantage? No he doesn’t.”

There was another pause before the announcer continued. “Orma Twumble is the perfect wife and mother. She claims to have a doctorate degree in baking and cleaning and loves to experiment with things baked in a pie crust. Her favorite word is ‘Surprise!‘ - always said when serving a pie to friends and family at her well known Candle lit Suppers.”

The Twumble’s will be honored next week at the following events throughout the village. Be sure to attend one of them and congratulate the Twumble’s for this honored bestowed upon them by your friends at Donaldson’s Department Store.

Sunday. The Twumbles will be the featured guests at the post Mass coffee held at St. Bartholomew’s. Orma has consented to say a few words about the proper role for a Catholic woman in today’s modern society.

Monday. The Twumbles will be singing carols throughout the Department Store between 7:00 and 8:00 P.M. Before that, they will be manning the Salvation Army’s Kettle at the Store’s Entrance.

Tuesday. The Twumbles will be the featured guests on Cloverdale Weekend Television’s “Confederate Mornings” morning news show. Orma, with a bit of arm twisting, accepted an invitation to teach the viewing audience the finer points of creative cooking with pastry. Skye will take the second half hour and cover the history of the telephone and telegraph in Clovershire.

Wednesday. The Twumbles will be the honored guests at the Christmas Sing a long at the Comprehensive School.

Thursday. The Twumbles will take a day trip on the Coastal Express to Tamworth on Tide to do a bit of Christmas Shopping. All compliments of Confederacy Railroad.

Friday. The Twumbles will be the honored guests at the lighting of Cloverdale’s Village Square Christmas Tree. Afterwords, the family will distribute candy canes to those in attendance.

Saturday. The Twumbles will unveil a new roadside sign with their picture welcoming outside shoppers to Cloverdale. The sign is on Highway one right outside of town. Later that night the Twumbles will end their week as Donaldson’s Department Store’s Christmas Family of 2010 by reading “Twas the Night Before Christmas” on Radio Four.

Once again, congratulations to the Twumbles, Cloverdale’s Christmas Family for 2010.

Monday, December 6, 2010

The Grimms Wish You a Respectful Holiday Season. Remember their Motto: Waiting, Always Waiting for your Call.

A Respectful Holiday Greeting from the Grimms Family
Waiting, Always Waiting for your Call

The Grimms live on Mulberry Circle in Cloverdale. This is their Christmas Card photo for 2010. Try as they might, they couldn’t get little Albert to be as serious about the family picture as the rest of the family. After all, this was the photo to be sent to all their past and future clients. It required a look befitting their business.

“We don’t know where Albert came from,” said Horace Grimms, owner and director of Grimms’ Mortuary and Taxidermy, servicing the dearly departed in Clovershire for the last 54 years. “There is something different about that boy.”

Febee Grimms interjected her opinion about her youngest child. “I don’t think Albert will ever be able to help with the family business.” She paused for a moment and looked at her son and then into her husband’s sad eyes. “We were so hoping for a boy to pass the business on to when we retired. We have our son, but he’s not exactly cut out for the funeral business.”

Febee was correct. Albert’s sisters were well groomed for the funeral business, having learned at an early age to subdue feelings of joy and happiness. You see, the Grimms Funeral Parlor consists of the embalming plant, the chapel, the crematorium, the garage for their two hearses, and the family living quarters.

During viewings and funerals, the girls help with the flowers and the condolences book. They help at the doors and in the kitchen. When not helping their father and mother with a service, they are allowed to play but must keep their voices low and faces somber in case they are seen by the bereaved.

Albert, on the other hand, sees joy in everything around him. Once, during the funeral for the Widow Morris, Albert burst through the chapel doors to tell his mother that he’d caught a butterfly. Febee was mortified. She snatched him up with one arm and carried him from the chapel. She covered his face with her other arm to quiet his voice and conceal his smile. Many sitting in the pews were visibly shaken, knowing the Widow Morris despised children, having taught school for the better part of 40 years.

The Grimms are resigned to their fate, knowing the trails of raising a ‘special‘ child. They will continue to work with Albert, but realize he will never have the temperament to work with the dead.

Albert will be left to find his own way.