Friday, October 12, 2012

Albert Spinner Prepares for Halloween.


Young Albert Spinner is the son of Cloverdale's Jewish Cantor, Moses Spinner.  The Spinners live on Clover Lane.

Albert loves Halloween.

"Halloween's almost here," Albert said to village Constable Willard after school last Monday.  Albert was hiding under a row of shrubs owned by 82 year old Selma Thorn.  Selma thought she heard something outside her front window during her afternoon nap.  She struggled to her feet, rocked back and forth to the window and peered out.  A moment later she was on the phone to the village Constabulary.  

"Something ungodly is thrashing about in my front shrub,"  Selma said excitedly to the Constable.

Selma Thorn
The Constabulary is on her speed dial

Ten minutes later Constable Willard arrived by bicycle.  Selma intercepted him on her front porch.  She pointed toward the street where a row of waist high shrubs marked the boundary between her front lawn and the sidewalk.  Something black with bits of silver could be seen crouched under several branches of yellow, red and orange leaves.   The Constable suggested she go in and make herself a cup of tea to calm her nerves.  He stepped down from the porch, paused, then walked toward a pair of frightened eyes peering out at him from under the shrub.    

"Albert, come on out from under there."  The constable recognized Albert from the costume he was wearing.  He'd seen it on a previous call the night before.  Albert was out well past his bed time, wandering about his neighbor's back garden - flashing his scissor hands.  The neighbor mistook them for knives and called the Constable.  

Albert struggled to crawl out from under the shrub, a task made more difficult because of the scissors tied to his fingers.

"What did I tell you yesterday?" Constable Willard was wearing his unhappy face, exaggerated because of his youthful offender.

"Not to wear my costume outside until Halloween," Albert answered.

"Why did I tell you that?"

"Because it scares people."

"That's right, because it scares people."  The Constable was prepared to go into a lengthy explanation but was interrupted by Albert.

"But its suppose to scare people. Its Halloween!"  Albert thought his logic was sound.

"Its not Halloween yet."  Constable Willard took Albert by his left scissorhand.  Together they walked toward the sidewalk and the Constable's bicycle.  "Let's get you home before you frightened another old lady."

"I was only being nice," Albert explained.  "She needed those shrubs cut."  The Constable ignored him.   

Up and down Clover Lane Selma's neighbors were out on their front lawns and porches watching for young Albert and Constable Willard.  Selma was on her speed dial, spreading the news while she waited for her kettle to boil. 

Albert was happy to show off his costume.   Constable Willard was ready for his shift to end.    

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Albert's Most Righteous Bubble


Albert Lewis of 37 Twin Peaks Lane, Cloverdale disrupted the Widow Johnson's sunday school class at the Saved by Grace Baptist Church in Cloverdale today. Acting upon a dare issued by Forest Blume, a well known sunday school miscreant, Albert chewed mightly to soften the gum while the Widow Johnson spoke of mankind's sinful nature. Then, just as she reached the point in the lesson where she held her hands to the heavens and called on the Holy Spirit to touch the hearts and minds of those in her charge, Albert blew his bubble. Exploding through the silence came a POP which surely shook the foundations of heaven.

"Jesus!" The Widow Johnson exclaimed in fright at the sound. The class erupted into laughter.
"Forest Blume!" The Widow Johnson looked straight at the only boy in the class with the nature to do such a thing in a Baptist Sunday School. Forest smiled, then pointed to Albert. The pink remains of the most Righteous bubble were draped over his mouth, chin and nose.

"Albert Lewis?" The Widow Johnson questioned.
"Forest dared me to do it," Albert confessed as he saw her building anger transform her face.
"I should have known. Forest, you have the Devil in you." The Widow Johnson took both boys by the arm and led them straight to the Pastor's office for a proper rebuking.

Sunday's are never dull at Cloverdale's Saved by Grace Baptist Church.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Cloverdale's Early Morning Christian Gossips


Norma Watkins and Jean Maple Stanley found each other on this very park bench in Cloverdale over thirty years ago. They've been the best of friends since that day, meeting most Sunday mornings on their way to church when their overall health and general attitudes toward their aging Pastor will permit. Both grandmother's believe that a good gossip is the best way to start a Sunday. It is their greatest delight to arrive at Church with the village's best and most scandalous tales to be passed along to the ladies of their Coffee Club.

Norma and Jean are their congregation's best source of village news. Gossip from anyone else, while still enjoyable and worthy of a tongue wag, must be taken with a grain of salt.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

A Plea from Cloverdale's Police Department.




Cloverdale's Police Department knows how upset our village's children get when given something healthy in their trick or treat bags on Halloween. Last year five Cloverdale children were arrested for torching the car of a person who rewarded their heartfelt and enthusiastic "TRICK OR TREAT" with small boxes of raisins. The children were stupid enough to capture their TRICK on film.

"There are other ways to express outrage," the Chief Constable said while making the rounds at the villiage's schools. "Have you considered smashing pumpkins on driveways or soaping windows?"

"What would you do if someone gave you a toothbrush?" asked one sixth grader from Confederacy Elementary.

The Chief Constable thought long and hard then raised his forefinger. "That's unforgivable. You all call me if you get a toothbrush in your Halloween bag and I'll be down in a flash with my Tazer!"

Have a Happy and Safe Halloween!

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Cloverdale Weather and "You in a Pew".

Sunday's Weather for Cloverdale and the Shire.
We will enjoy periods of sun with darkening clouds in the late afternoon. Temperatures remain reminiscence of Fall, not unexpected and a preface of Autumn's arrival next week. Wind will be lightly gusting from the northeast and gone all together by tomorrow.
Today's Songs of Praise comes to us from the Congregation of St. Michael Anglican in Tamworth on Tide. Cloverdale's Council of Churches encourage you to take time for God. The village's churches remind you of this year's membership drive, "You in a Pew". Help fill our places of worship with song and prayer, making Cloverdale truly "A Community of Christ".