Wednesday, May 12, 2010

It Pays to be the Early Riser

Maynard and Morris Marsh live at 23 Applegate Apartments in Cloverdale. Today they are on a field trip with their class from Confederacy Primary School. Maynard woke first. He remembered the two new Dr. Suess shirts his mother set out on the dresser the night before. She found them at the Salvation Army Thrift Store and thought how cute it would be for her twins to dress the same for their field trip. Morris, the younger twin, forgot and slept in, a decision he regretted the rest of the day.

Maynard's early rising meant he dressed first, making him the day's happy twin. He chose to be "Thing 1". Morris, on the other hand, was left with the 'other' shirt, leaving him a foul and unhappy "Thing 2". Ever since birth, coming in second to Maynard has been the story of his life. Wearing a shirt to remind him, and everyone else that looks at him, of his proper place in their birthing order was something he didn't need.

He made it through the day, pleasuring over the thought of an accident he knew would occur next washing day. He knew that bleach and colored clothes didn't mix. How tragic, he thought, that their new shirts would only be worn once.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

The Eraser Premiers at Cloverdale's Grand Theater

Cloverdale’s Grand Theater will host the World Premier of “The Eraser” a movie written, directed and filmed by Mrs Fife’s Film Making Class at Cloverdale’s Comprehensive School next Thursday night at 7:00 P.M. Tickets for the event are on sale now. They can be purchased at the Grand Theater, the Comprehensive School, or your local Piggy Mart - home of the Bladder Buster Fountain Drink.

The Comprehensive School's Film Class

The film was financed by the students themselves. Bake sales were held at all school sporting events, drama productions, and Glee Club recitals. Additional funds were obtained through grants offered by the Confederacy’s Council of the Humanities and Cloverdale’s Art Council, chaired by Natalie Solmensky of 243 Maple Lane.
“Student films are something we take seriously in Cloverdale,” Miss Solmensky said when asked her thoughts on next week’s premier. “Mind you, attendance at the premiers is always disappointing but those of us that straddle the real world and the artistic world are used to being misunderstood by the uninformed public.”

The film tells the fictional story of a man called “The Eraser”. He is the head of a fictional Totalitarian State’s Secret Police. His job it to hunt down those who harbor views and interests different from those of the fascist state’s dictator, "Big Brother". These undesirable’s are effectively erased from society by The Eraser’s organization. It was as if they never existed.

Half way through the film, The Eraser is given the assignment to ‘erase’ a beautiful young woman played by Merna Solmensky, daughter of the Natalie Solmensky, President of Cloverdale’s Art Council. Predictably the two fall in love. This forbidden romance nicely thickens the plot making the ninety minute film almost sit throughable.

The film is rated PG due to language and closed mouth kissing (the script called for something more romantic but Merna and the leading man are second cousins).

Be sure to block out 90 minutes of your time to support our local student’s attempt at a cohesive story told through film next Thursday at the Grand. Donations for next year’s production “Apple Sauce and Arsenic” will be accepted at the door.

Remember, outside food and drinks are never allowed at the Grand.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Life in the Confederacy of Dunces Continues

Here in the Confederacy we learn not to take our traffic signs literally. Its the spirit of the message we learn to accept (after a few serious accidents and harrowing rescues).

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Mrs. Olivia Twine's New Hat

Mother’s Day in Cloverdale. 2010

Mrs. Olivia Twine is the president of Cloverdale's Anglican Woman’s Guild. As president, she feels part of her responsibilities is to set the proper example in church attire. “The proper hat for the proper occasion” is her motto, and she does what she can to encourage her ladies to wear tasteful hats on special occasions, like Mother’s Day.

Every Mother’s Day everyone in Cloverdale’s Anglican Community anxiously awaits Mrs. Olivia Twine’s arrival at church services because every Mother’s Day she sets the hat style for the year. Her hats are carefully chosen. This process involves several hours on the internet, looking at the hats the ladies in Europe’s Royal Courts are wearing. With that knowledge in mind she takes several trips to the finest hat shops in Capital City to select the hat that best suits the new European style. Once the hat is selected it shipped to Cloverdale’s one hat shop, The Boutique Rozette, where it can be purchased locally, all in her effort to encourage and support local businesses. Olivia leaves her husband Clyde detailed instructions for the hat’s purchase. Her husband follows the instructions religiously because it is his job to surprise her with that very same hat on Mother’s Day morning. It is a strange process but one Clyde doesn’t mind, after all, she does all the work and Clyde has only to write a check.

Olivia’s arrival at church is timed perfectly to coincide with the singing of the first hymn. The Vicar knows to reserve a section of the front pew for the Twine family, meaning that Olivia and Clyde must walk from the back door of the chapel and up the isle, passing every pew to reach their reserved seats. This procession gives everyone in the congregation an opportunity to see what wonders the hatters have created for their Woman's Guild President that year.

Elsewhere in Cloverdale families are spending this glorious Mother’s Day in church, in the parks, and in the local restaurants and pubs treating mothers to a day away from the kitchen.

Happy Mother’s Day to Mother’s Everywhere.

Cloverdale Mother's Day Weather:
An abundance of sunshine is expected today with pleasant temperatures. Picnics a must for those wanting to surprise Mother on her special day and the weather will not disappoint.
And on Today's Songs of Praise from Cloverdale Weekend Television.