Saturday, January 30, 2010

The Saved by Grace Lutheran Lady's Guild Sponsors a Relief Drive for Haiti.

Esther Beacon, Seated Center, and the Other Ladies in the Save by Grace Lutheran Church's Relief Drive for Haiti.

Last Thursday the Ladies Guild at the Saved By Grace Lutheran Church in Cloverdale finished their quilts, scarfs and mittens making up their congregation’s contribution to the Confederacy’s Aid for Haiti Relief Drive.

“Our Ladies have been working for two weeks on our Church’s response to the tragedy in Haiti,” Paster Rollin Runolfson said during his sermon last Sunday. “After careful consideration the Ladies Guild settled on a relief package focused on the plight of becoming homeless in the dead of winter.”

“Those poor folks are homeless in the dead of winter because of that earthquake don't ch’ know,” said 74 year old Esther Beacon, Chairwoman of the Guild’s Governing Committee. “Can you imagine the cold, snow and ice. We’ve heard other countries are sending tents, but I ask you, what good are tents without blankets, mittens and scarfs? Don’t they have any sense in the Other World?”

The congregation responded by donating winter coats, jackets, long johns, and wool. The Guild immediately went to work on three new quilts. Thanks to copious amounts of tea and coffee and several sleepless nights the ladies finished their contributions to the Confederacy’s Relief Effort and shipped their donations by Coastal Express to Capital City in time to meet the Government’s relief flight.

The Mayor of Cloverdale proclaimed this Sunday to be “Lutheran Lady’s Guild Day” in appreciation for the women of the Saved by Grace Lutheran Church’s contribution to the poor and suffering in Haiti at this winter time. The Mayor will be in attendance at Sunday Worship to deliver the certificate himself. The ladies are preparing a surprise for the Mayor. After his presentation, the Mayor will be given a small hand towel with his name embroidered on the lining in appreciation for his appreciation of their contributions to the poor and suffering of the Haitian people.

Sunday will be a day of mutual appreciation in Cloverdale.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Lacy Gets a Raise at the Dairy Queen

Lacy Lamberth, the Queen of Cloverdale's Dairy Queen

Lacy Lamberth lives at 356 Cluffton Close in Cloverdale. She was recently promoted to cashier at the Dairy Queen. The promotion came with a 2% increase in her hourly wage. Lacy is happy with this new arrangement. She wanted to get away from the grill. The heat and grease was playing havoc with her complexion. Besides, working the cash register gave here more talk time with her friends when they come in.

Lacy asked to be promoted several times and each time she was refused. Monday was the last straw. The camel’s back was broken. On her way home from work she stopped at Wimpy Burger and put in an application. She didn’t want to leave Dairy Queen but knew she had to do something to force her manager into action. Two days later the manager of Wimpy called and offered her the job.

The next day Lacy went to work early to give her manager an ultimatum. He either promoted her to the front of the store or she walked. Lacy knew the manager. She knew he had a crush on her and liked to keep her on the grill so he could stare at her from his desk. Lacy gambled he wouldn’t want to lose his scenic view; she was right.

Lacy marched into the Dairy Queen a few minutes before the start of her afternoon shift, walked to the manager’s desk and waited for him to get off the phone.
“I got a job a Wimpy Burger. I start on Monday. I’m putting in my notice.” Lacy explained. She smiled, turned and walked to the grill. She was doing her apron when he got out of his desk and walked over to talk.
“Now Lacy, are you sure you want to leave. You’ve got it pretty nice here. Everyone likes you and you are very popular at school,” he adjusted his bow tie as he spoke. He was a bit of a nerd and very proud of the fact that he made afternoon manager when he was a senior at the Comprehensive School.
“Ya, you’re right. I’m popular. That means all my friends come here to hang out and when they’re hanging out they buy stuff.” Lacy was on to something. He was right. She had tons of friends and they always stopped to hang out every afternoon. They spent a lot of money at Dairy Queen, money that would soon find its way to Wimpy Burger.
“You know what it will take to get me to stay?” Lacy said while opening a box of frozen beef patties.

The manager thought for a moment. He shuffled his feet. Inside he was struggling with the fact that he was being played by a girl three years his junior. He wondered if he should stand on principle and let her go or surrender the position to keep her.

The manager agreed to her terms. The promotion was granted, along with the raise. The manager had to keep her. In his opinion Lacy was the only good looking girl in the store.

Lacy is happy and invites her friends to continue to come visit while she is on duty most afternoons right after school.

Cloverdale's Dairy Queen. Stop in for a Blizzard. How about a Chili Dog!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

A Massacre at the Comprehensive School's iPad Celebration.

A Few of the John Connerists at Cloverdale's Comprehensive School.

Today Apple Computers introduced the world to its newest revolutionary product, the iPad.

Cloverdale Middle School’s John Conner Society met in special session to watch the live broadcast in the school’s computer lab. The John Conner Society is the school’s computer / sci fi club. Its members believe machines will some day attempt to take over the world and enslave humans. The Connerists believe the only way to stop this doomsday scenario is to immerse oneself in technology, and when the day comes, be prepared to fight fire with fire.

The club’s members brought special permission forms from home so they could skip their normally scheduled classes. Dale Winheart, club president and future Mac Genius and live at home son, presided over the meeting. He arrived early to decorate the room with balloons and streamers. His little sisters spent much of the night before drawing the Apple logo on the balloons in permanent marker. His little brother made posters using finger paints. He did a pretty good job for a 6 year old.

Dale’s mother baked a white cake in the shape of the Apple logo. The cake was topped with her special fluffy frosting. Dale gave her a kiss in appreciation. Mrs. Winheart makes her signature frosting only on very special occasions. Considering Dale may not attend any Proms or Homecomings during his Comprehensive School years, she thought this might be one of the only real celebrations he has while in school. Of course, being his mother, she hopes and prays that some day a female may join the Connerists. In her dream this unknown female will find something in Dale’s personality that compels her into a relationship; a relationship that, if all the planet’s line up correctly and all the God’s will it so, could result in becoming his girl friend and wife. It was something she dreamt about while standing over her Mix A Matic and dribbling the vanilla extract onto the fluffy white peaks of the frosting.

At half past 8 last night Dale got a text message from his club nemesis, Rude Bickmore. Rude is what Dale and the other Mac Heads consider a PC Droid. The club has several of them. They are true blue PC fans. They despise Macs and look for every opportunity to destroy the rise of the Mac Armada.
“Dale,” Rude typed in his typical monotone font. “Macs suck. Party at your own risk. Dude you’re crazy if you go through with this.”
Dale isn’t one to back away from a challenge. “Bring it on Droid,” he texted back. Dale slept well that night. He knew Rude was all air and no action. Rude never followed through on anything, which is why he never was elected Club President.

The iPad party started at 10:00 A.M. sharp. Dale was happy to see most of the Connerists in attendance. That meant that the Droids were unsuccessfully in convincing many of the less committed Droids to join their boycott. To be on the safe side, Dale entrusted the party’s security to the club’s security branch, the Jedi’s. The Jedi’s stood guard outside the labs two doors. Each was armed with light saber, blaster and pepper spray. Everyone in the room donned their party hats, blow ticklers and horns when the live broadcast started.

At 10:30 A.M. the gathering was disrupted by shouting in the hallway. A Jedi appeared in the doorway.
“The Droids are here with the Barth’s Scythes!” he shouted. The Scythe are a division of St. Bartholomew’s Sci Fi and Computer Club. They are known PC sympathisers and frequently crash many of the Connerists activities.

The Jedi turned to guard the lab’s door. The unarmed Connerists dove for cover having left their blasters and light sabers in their lockers. A few of the clubs older Jedi’s remained standing with their arms outstretched ready to use the force to thwart the Scythe from breaching the bulkhead wall (south door).

Suddenly, three Scythes entered from the lab’s north door catching the Jedi’s by surprise. They fired their blasters. The Jedis fell to the floor giving quite convincing death performances. A massacre ensued. The Scythes spread throughout the room looking for the Connerists. Each was blasted or sliced through with a light saber when found. In a manner of minutes it was all over. The room was quiet except for the cheering of the crowd coming over the streaming broadcast of the Apple announcement.

Rude entered the room. “It’s over,” he said. Dale and the rest of the club stood up from the places where they were slain.
“We let our guard down. We were defeated fairly,” Dale admitted. “I relinquish my office and open the position of Club President to nominations to be taken at the next club meeting.” The room remained silent. Rude and Dale shook hands. The Scythes disappeared out the door, down the hall and out to the parking lot hoping to get back to St. Bartholomews before they were missed.

The Scythes wait to be called in to the Head Mistress's office at St. Bartholomew's. They were found absent from their third period.
Parents are being called. A Scythe's true nightmare.

The Connerists enjoyed cake and ice cream. The party ended at 11:00 A.M. The decorations were removed and everyone returned to their normally scheduled classes. The world has a new iPad and the Comprehensive School will have a new Connerist Club president.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Nelson Almost Told a Story. A Day in the Life of Mr. Harper and the Gifted Math Class at Cloverdale Middle School.


The 9:00 A.M. bell rang at Cloverdale Middle School. Students rushed through the halls to get to their first period classes. Mr. Harper sat at his desk rearranging stacks of student papers. He eventually graded them, after they made the circuit. Mr. Harper had a method to the chaotic anarchy that seemed to govern his desktop. Newly called for student work was stacked on top of the left bottom corner of his desk. He called them 'Day One Papers'. On day two, yesterday’s Day One Papers were moved to the top left corner of his desk thus making room for the new Day One Papers. On day three the Day One Papers were shuffled across the top of his desk to the top right hand corner, thus making room for new Day One Papers and Day Old Day Two Papers. On day four the Day One Papers were moved to the Launch Pad, the bottom right corner of his desk, thus making room for newly collected Day One Papers, because yesterday’s Day One Papers were moved to the Day Two Paper’s position and the Day Two Papers were moved to the Day Three position and the Day Three Papers were moved to the Launch Pad. Do you see the method to the madness? At the end of day four, the original Day One Papers were gathered and “launched” from the desk top and into his briefcase, which sat on the floor right below the bottom right corner of his desk. The papers were taken home, graded and returned the next day.

One may question Mr. Harper’s organization skills, but his reasoning is convincing,
“Students have until the Launch Pad to turn in late work. If the work isn’t turned in by the launch date then its a zero and after school detention,” he explained.
Although some teachers found him to be a disorganized old fool, the students enjoyed his jolly nature and optimistic attitude toward life’s little disturbances and inconveniences.
Mr. Harper just finished moving the papers from the Day Three position to the launch pad when Nelson walked into the room. Nelson was usually the first to class every morning. He liked to be punctual. He wouldn’t know how to answer if you asked him why. It was just in his nature.

“How are you on this fine Monday morning,” Mr. Harper asked from his desk. He glanced up to look for a response over his reading glasses.
“I’m fine Mr. Harper,” Nelson answered. “I almost got hit by a car crossing the street in front of the school. But I didn't. I'm here, alive and ready for math?”
"You were reading on your way to school weren't you?" Mr. Harper and Nelson discussed Nelson's passion for reading whenever the opportunity presented itself - like when he walked to school. Mr. Harper was one of a dozen cars that nearly hit him last year.
"What did I tell you about reading and walking?" Mr. Nelson put on his stern face.
"Look up when I come to a street," Nelson answered thinking of something else to add to change he subject. "By the way, how was your weekend?"
“Why just dandy,” Mr. Harper said. He sat at his desk with his briefcase on his lap arranging the just arrived papers from the launch pad. The other students in his first period Math for the Highly Gifted and Socially Backward were tardy - as usual. The school's aquarium was a distraction for some on their way to class. The motion of the fish - back and forth through the water - seemed to hypnotize them. Others simply lost track of the time, while others had to be rescued from their lockers. Typical for a middle school's bottom feeders.

The Everly twins were chronically late because of the various creative ways they walked to class. The two redheaded girls had a fear of the predictable. By their calculations, people that lived unpredictable lives lived longer. Each day they tried to think of different ways to walk to math. Every day they thought of different places to sit during the lesson. Every day they asked to be excused at different times, once again trying to avoid predictability.

Mr. Harper was startled when he looked up from his briefcase. Nelson stood right over him, watching while he shuffled papers.

“Whoa partner, trying to give an old man a heart attack?” Mr. Harper said while clutching his heart.
“No, why would I want to do that,” Nelson said. “You’re actually the only teacher in this institution that has a good understanding and grasp of mathematics. I consider myself lucky to be in your class. I could be anywhere right now - like dead in a ditch. But I'm not. I'm right here standing in front of you watching you move papers.”
“You’re so kind,” Mr. Nelson responded.
“Not really,” Nelson shrugged. “I’m stating a fact, not a conjuncture.”

Mr. Harper stood and stepped back, putting more distance between himself and his precocious 12 year old student.
“What did you do this weekend?” he asked, hoping to draw Nelson into a conversation. Nelson was brilliant in math yet inept at simple, conventional conversation. The practice would do him good.

Nelson smiled. Nelson always smiled. For some strange reason, Nelson was always happy. Several of his other teachers though he was just too stupid to understand social situations - a common problem of the gifted. Mr. Harper didn’t think so. He thought Nelson was just one of those few precious people you meet in life that really are blessed with a natural cheery disposition.

“I almost got to go to the movie,” Nelson said in his usual happy voice.
“Well, what DID you do this weekend?” Mr. Harper repeated.
“I almost got to have a sleep over with Morris!” Nelson's smile grew larger while his eyes brightened in the telling of each thing he almost did.
“Mr. Harper, you’ll never guess, you’ll never guess!”
“What Nelson. What is it I’ll never guess?”
“Are you ready for this. It is a first for me. I was so happy I nearly wet myself. In fact I’m almost as happy just telling you right now.”
“You don’t have to go do you?” Mr. Harper pointed toward the door.
“No, I’m good. I said I nearly wet myself. Mr. Harper, I ALMOST got to go snowboarding! What do you think of that?” Nelson beamed. Mr. Harper stared at the boy in wonderment. This boy found contentment in almost doing something. He was a strange boy indeed.

“Nelson, I almost enjoyed that story,” Mr. Harper smiled. Nelson broke into laughter. Just then the Everly twins appeared. One entered the classroom through the north door, while the other entered through the south. They circled the room three times before sitting at opposite ends of the classroom. Mr. Harper looked at Nelson. Nelson looked at Mr. Harper. They shrugged their shoulders in bewilderment.

It was a Monday and the start of a new week for Cloverdale Middle School’s Gifted Math Class.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Trapping A Spider, the Cloverdale Way.

Yes Friends,
Here we have a short educational video on the proper way to capture those unwanted guests. Look at the technique. Watch and learn my friends. Watch and Learn how to capture a spider, the Cloverdale way.

Cloverdale Weekend Television. Songs of Praise

The Salvationists of Cloverdale invite you to join them in their battle against sin and ignorance. Come to Sunday Worship at your local Citadel. Afterwards, tea and biscuits. It is time to Join the Army and March Along!