Sunday, March 27, 2011

Cloverdale Mental Health Alert

Clara Crims hears The Dead.

Cloverdale Weekend Television
Mental Health Alert
An advisory to the village of Cloverdale and surrounding areas. Miss Clara Crims, a resident of the Riverbottoms Group Home in Cloverdale, went missing this afternoon. Her disappearance was reported to the village constable when she didn’t report for her afternoon meds.

“I stood waiting and she didn’t show up,” reported Nurse Klemp, Matron. “Clara always reports for her meds promptly at 1:00 P.M. I’m both agitated and concerned - two emotions at once, clearly too much for me to handle. Just look at my hands quivering.”

Nurse Klemp’s hands were indeed quivering. The Constable tried to calm her by saying that he was sure Clara would be found quickly and returned. He reached for his radio to contact the Shire’s Constabulary. All he got was static when he pushed the “Talk” button.

“I forgot to charge it last night,” he confessed. Nurse Klemp partially collapsed over the meds tray.

“I’ll need one of these.” She held a small paper cup containing a blue and yellow pill in one hand and a glass of water in the other. The pill was down her gullet with one toss of her hand.

“I’m going for a lay down. Call when you find her.” The matron navigated the home’s hallway with uncertain steps before disappearing through the door at the end of the corridor.

The Constable removed his cell phone from his tazer holder and dialed Cloverdale Weekend Television to place the Mental Health Alert. Moments later the village’s televisions flashed green followed by the silhouette of a brain with lightening bolts (the sign of a mental health alert). The announcer’s voice followed.

“Clara Crims is missing from the Riverbottoms Group Home in Cloverdale,” she reported. “Clara is not considered dangerous but should not be approached. If found call the station at once.”

A file picture of Clara replaced the stern looking announcer. Cloverdale Weekend Television keeps pictures on file of all the Group Home's residents. Also on file are pictures of those living at the Nearly There Home for the Elderly and Confused. They sometimes escape as well.

Clara's picture shows her struggling with her voices. Clara hears the dead talking. Strangely enough, she reports that she is their number one topic of conversation. When asked why the dead would be so preoccupied with her and not the overwhelming scope of eternal life, Clara always looks dazed then returns to clutching her hands over her ears to silence their voices.

A small reward for information on her whereabouts will be offered if Clara isn’t found before sundown. At that time Clara will have missed two medication cycles and will start hearing God’s voice. The last time she missed two medication cycles she accused the Mother Superior of the Sisters of Ever Increasing Hope Monastery of blasphemy and heresy.