Saturday, July 24, 2010

Today's Community Events.

This Weekend in Cloverdale. July 24
  • From 9:00 - 11:00 A.M. Quilting at the Saved By Grace Lutheran Church.
  • The Flavors of Coca-Cola at the Piggly Wiggly. Did you know Coca-Cola has different sodas for the international market? Come to Piggly Wiggly and taste them for yourselves (while supplies last).
  • Fancy Cake Decorating Class at the Moss Wonderland Bakery from 10:00 - 11:00 A.M.
  • Cricket at the Park all afternoon.
  • Today is the last day of Sports Camp at the Comprehensive School. This is a day camp starting at 8:00 A.M. ending at 4:00 P.M. Today, volleyball, handball, baseball, and dodgeball.
  • The Red Owl Grocery Store has a balloon artist at the check out stands all day today to entertain your youngsters while you wait to check out.
  • Margaret Wilburly Snell will be offering twenty minute guided tours of her Gnome collection populating her front and back gardens between 3:00 and 4:00 P.M. She spent the better part of the week preparing her garden for the wedding reception of her niece, starting at 6:00 P.M. this evening so "It has never looked better," according to Margaret.
  • Mr. Harold Twinker will be returning to Cloverdale on the 6:00 P.M. train from Fernwood on the Moor. He returns after spending two weeks on an African Safari in Kenya. Harold's last telegram indicated a desire to speak about his adventures through the heart of Africa at the next Clovershire Geographic Society's meeting held at the village library Tuesday next.
  • The Odd Fellow's Club of Cloverdale will meet this evening at 7:00 P.M. at the Methodist Church.
  • St. Bartholomew's School is sponsoring a parish wide yard sale on the school grounds all day today. The proceeds will help defray the costs of sending the senors to Rome next Spring on Pilgrimage. (this trip will take the place of Prom. The seniors were a bit too 'hands on' at last year's prom causing the supervising nuns great distress). Greasy Griswald will have several new acquisitions on sale from his antique shop just like last year. Remember, 'Old' is Greasy's speciality!
  • Finally, this evening the village will have the privilege of hearing the Clovershire Community Orchestra at the Comprehensive School's Theater starting at 8:00 P.M. Featured tonight, The Typewriter Song. Please watch the video below and afterwords make plans to attend. It will be the cultural highlight of the month. Everyone who is Anybody in Cloverdale will be there.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Monica Ragland Graduates

From My Flat on Wit's End

Hello Friends,
I'd like to introduce you to my neighbor twice down. Her name is Monica Ragland. She graduated from Cloverdale's Comprehensive School at the end of May. Her graduation announcement was delivered to my home yesterday by our Adequate Just Postal Service. She addressed it to my home in Utah. An innocent mistake considering I spend five days out of seven there. Unfortunately, the US Post Office redirected the letter back to my flat here in Cloverdale. The announcement and I must have passed each other twice in our journeys.

I opened the letter at the kitchen table. Her picture fell from the envelop and landed face up. I was puzzled by her choice of backdrop and pose. It just didn't look right. Most seniors are ridiculously posed in front of something natural in the senior pictures. Some photographers urge them to take their pictures from odd to bizarre by having another image of them super impose onto the left or right quadrant of the photo.

In my opinion, the goal of a senior picture is to make the graduating student look cool and grown up. Monica's senior pictures failed on both counts. Her photos make her look strangely religious and pious. Odd for someone with the reputation of being on the wild side. Monica was known to stay out past 11:00 P.M. Last year I overheard a few teens near the gumball machines at the Piggly Wiggly say they'd seen her in the park holding hands with a local boy known for always getting a good night kiss on the first date! You can see why so many questioned her morals and values.

I called Monica to congratulate her for graduating and explain why my congratulations came so late.

"Monica, I hope you don't take this wrong, but your graduation picture is different than most," I said, hoping not to put her on the defensive.

There was a short pause. "Haven't you heard?" she questioned. I'm accepted into the Convent of the Sisters of Ever Increasing Hope at Saint Bartholomew's. I'm going to be a nun!"

"A Nun!" You could have picked my jaw up from the floor. I stumbled to the sink to pour a glass of water wanting to stabilized the shock ebbing from the top of my head to the tip of my toes.

"I enter the convent in August. I'll pray for you Mr. Williamson," her voice was calm, assuring me her decision to abandon the world of the living was what she really wanted.

"Yes please do. I need all the help I can get," I laughed. She didn't. There was a long, uncomfortable pause.

"I know you do Mr. Williamson. There is help for you Mormons. I believe faith can move mountains!" I thought offense would be the next feeling to cross my mind, followed by anger. It wasn't.

"Ah, thanks Monica," I said, realizing I was starting to feel a form of gratitude for her concern.

We spoke for several more minutes and then hung up. I went back to my chair in the front room thinking how lucky I was to have a future nun for an acquaintance, you know, just in case I get to the other side and find myself in a very unexpected Purgatory.

Monica was my Faith Insurance.

Well, its time for bed. It is 11:20 P.M. Cloverdale time. Cloverdale Weekend Television is showing reruns of "Are You Being Served" from the BBC in England. I love the show but watching the Staff of Grace Brother's Gentleman and Woman's Departments working in the department store's Toy Department for the tenth time is enough.

I'm gone.


Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Cloverdale's Dr. Doolittle

Andrew with Polly and Pollyanna (before the accident)

Hello Friends,
I'm in for a real treat tonight. Cloverdale's very own Dr. Doolittle (his real name is Abner Leggins) will be performing tonight at 7:00 P.M. in the village library's main gallery and I have tickets! I found them at the bottom of my grocery bag on Saturday when I made that hot trek to the Piggly Wiggly.

Why would anyone want to purchase their groceries anywhere but the Pig? Piggly Wiggly has Cloverdale's widest selection of foods at reasonable prices. Its Video Emporium has the largest selection of DVD's and video tapes in the village and, as if that wasn't enough, the Pig has the village's largest assortment of kiddie motorized sidewalk machines (like the bucking bronco and the space rocket that holds two!). But wait, there's more; you get S&H Green Stamps with every purchase, and apparently you get free library special event tickets dropped right in your bag at checkout.

Abner Leggins day job is bagging groceries at the Pig. In the evenings, Abner takes his animal show on the road, performing at birthday parties and other special events. His ensemble is made up of a poodle named Larry and two parrots, Polly and Pollyanna. Its a regular one man, three animal circus. Abner talks and the animals do tricks.

Business has been slow lately on account of a serious mishap a year ago during Ann Wobbles 8th birthday party. Little Ann wanted to pet Larry. When Abner wasn't looking she reached her hand into his cage. Larry snapped at her. Ann's screaming startled the parrots. It was pure mayhem in the living room. The spooked parrots flew around the living room attacking the children as they scurried for cover. To those watching through the front room window it would have looked like a scene from Alfred Hitchcock's thriller The Birds.

Tonight is Abner's second attempt to draw a crowd at the library. It's difficult to get people to come see the show when the village's constable requires everyone attending to wear a hat of some kind - preferable a motorcycle or bike helmet - just in case Polly and Pollyanna have another meltdown. The police warning is printed in bold letters on the back of every ticket.

I have my baseball cap in hand and ready for the show. I like Abner and want to help him get back on his feet. He has a good personality and never smashes my bread or breaks the eggs when he bags my groceries. I want to reward such skill and devotion to duty
I encourage everyone reading to come to the show. Again, it is at the library at 7:00 P.M.


Sunday, July 18, 2010

Clovershire Weather and Cloverdale Weekend Television's Songs of Praise

Coverdale Weather.
A day trip to Tamworth on Tide or the Lake of Sorrows may be the only relief Clovershire residents can find from this oppressive heat wave. Expect crowded trains to the coast and book your day trip tickets early. With no rain in the forecast for the next five days and temperatures reaching record highs the Shire health department encourages you to drink plenty of water and stay indoors . Reduce physical activity to early morning and after sunset. Think of cooler temperatures and Autumn leaves, for this to shall pass.
Today on Cloverdale Weekend Television's Songs of Praise, enjoy Libera singing "Gloria" from California's Crystal Cathedral in Orange County.
Cloverdale's Council of Churches encourages you to attend one of the village's houses of worship. Please call Cloverdale 4365 for more information on Sunday services, times and locations.