Saturday, November 21, 2009

Madam Voyant Will Read Your Fortune

If its Saturday then Madam Voyant can be found in her converted gypsy caravan, ready to read your future and warn of impending disaster and secret admirers. Her thriving palmist business can be found beside the Willard’s Farm Shop in the parking lot of Cloverdale’s Farm Bureau.

Madam pulls into Cloverdale promptly at 7:30 A.M. every Saturday morning. She tows her caravan using her neighbor’s tractor. In return for the tractor’s use, her neighbor receives one free reading per month. He is a Christian man and doesn’t put a lot of stock into a having his fortune read. His pastor says it dabbling with the devil. It may be, but he’s done well in the stock market because of Madam’s tips. In fact, he’s done so well he’s increased his weekly tithes to the church from 0.7% to 1%. He feels the Lord will be forgiving if he shares his modest winnings.

Madam Voyant is a celebrity at the Nearly There Rest Home for the Elderly and Insane. The rest home’s mini van makes several round trips between the home and the caravan every Saturday bringing scores of elderly clients anxious to discover what their last years will bring. Some wonder if their monthly pension checks should be spent on groceries, medicine or booze. Grocery’s and medicine if her visions blesses them with time. Booze if her visions are dark.

“Bless those old buzzards,” Madam says as he last van drives out of the parking lot.

Madam Voyant’s business increased with the release of the new American movie 2012. The movie feeds off the worldwide paranoia of the uneducated and misinformed concerning the apocalypse. It seems the Mayan calendar ends in December 2012. And if the Mayans say time will end in 2012 then it must be so. Consider the other great contributions the Mayans made to the world. There is the........ well. How about the ......... Drats, at least they were experts at human sacrifices.

Madam Voyant did a public reading on the subject at Cloverdale Middle School six months ago. During the midnight service she gazed into a bowl of water to divine the creation of the Mayan calendar. During the session, and to the audiences amazement, she saw the ancient Mayan who carved the calendar. At exactly 12:14 A.M. she stood and held her hands high over head. She filled the silent hall with laughter.
“The calendar ends in December 2012 because the carver ran out of stone!” she explained. The audience of 300 stood and applauded. Her reading made national news.

Of course, there are those that still believe the end is upon us. This poor misguided group visit Madam religiously. Some wonder if they should continue their education, considering the end is so close. Others seek love, hoping not to face humanity’s final chapter alone in their living rooms with a bottle of Jack Daniels and a hand full of sleeping pills.

There is another group of clients that seek Madam’s advice on finances. They are worried about the current state of affairs. They worry about the American dollar and hyper inflation. Her opinions regarding gold investments are sought in every reading. The general feeling in the Confederacy is that the American dollar will soon be worthless. Hyper inflation will follow, resulting in chaos. Some may face the choice of Starvation or selling one’s children to buy food.

Madam Voyant does her best to calm their fears and insists there is nothing in her deck of cards that foretells such financial doom. Some wonder if she really believes what she says. They say they have evidence that Madam Voyant is on the American Government’s payroll. She is paid to bring stability to the world’s financial markets - at least in the Cloverdale region. When asked to produce evidence, this shadowy group refuse - saying, “All in good time. All in good time.”

Madam Voyant is an institution in Cloverdale and a legend in the psychic community. She is open most Saturdays from 9;00 A.M. to 5:00 P.M. She asks you come with a full purse, open mind and clean hands.

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