Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Curbside Recycling from our Roving Reporter

By Jaleta Clegg
Roving Reporter

Attention all residents of the Federation of Dunces. The citizen’s group, Momentum for the Environmentally Concerned, sponsored by the Sisters of Ever Increasing Hope, have started a new curbside recycling program to help save our planet from the ravages of uncontrolled landfills. Sister Mary George “Big Bertha” states, “Landfills are an eyesore, a scab upon the face of our glorious planet, created for us by a loving God who not pleased with our treatment of His great gift. Therefore, we have created a group for concerned citizens interested in recycling to help save our planet and keep the landfills from becoming too unsightly. And to avoid God’s wrath. He’ll smite you if you throw out those empty soup tins.” Sister Mary George “Big Bertha” has perfected the art of glaring people into submission. Her extremely large fists really don’t count, since she’s sworn to a nonviolent calling. We think.

Sister Mary George “Big Bertha” caught in a lighthearted moment with Sister Eustacia Toob last winter.

The Sisters of Ever Increasing Hope sincerely hope that others will join them in their efforts. Please place your recyclable items in the bins they will provide. Please do not join Horace Gunther. He apparently does not understand the purpose of curbside recycling.

When constables questioned him regarding the porcelain fixture placed in front of his home, he responded, “It’s my contribution to recycling. See? Total curbside, total convenience. It’s waste, so therefore, it should be recycled.”

For further information, please contact the Convent of Ever Increasing Hope located next to the Cloverdale-in-the-Shire John Crapper Memorial Landfill and Sewage Treatment Center.

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