Thursday, October 15, 2009

Cloverdale's Ice Cream, An Udder Delight!

Little Beulah Ford is the daughter of Delis and Dennis Ford, owners of Ford's Four Hoofs Dairy Farm on Highway 1 just outside of Cloverdale. Beulah is a proud member of Cloverdale’s award winning 4H club, an avid collector of Barbie dolls, a Brownie Girl Scout and 3rd grade class president at Confederacy Primary School.

“Beulah is a girl that knows and speaks her mind,” her teacher said in a recent interview with the Confederacy Times, Cloverdale’s weekly newspaper - delivered to your home every Wednesday. To arrange delivery dial Cloverdale 3254. “She sets daily, weekly, monthly and lifetime goals and God help anyone that gets in her way.”

The teacher stopped for a moment to clear her throat and continued. “I’m proud to have her in my class, except for the rare times she corrects me in class. And there are times she purposely pesters the boys she likes with the sharp end of her pencil. Poor Johnny Heckle, She’s had a crush on him since the 2nd grade. His poor arms are covered in punctures. She drew blood last week and spent the afternoon in the Head Master’s office. Oh, she can be a trial........ but, what a dear. Her father is chairman of the school, community council you know. Yes, Beulah is such a dear.”

Johnny Heckle. Human Pincushion.

Beulah entered Cowpie, her prize milking cow, in the Harvest Festival and Fair two weeks ago . Cowpie won the blue ribbon. Later that same day, little Beulah won the coveted Little Miss Harvest Fair and Festival Pageant. The Pageant winner is obliged to have her picture taken with the blue ribbon winner in the Bovine division. Strangely enough, that happened to be Cowpie, Beulah's own cow. Many fair goers grumbled, complaining the competitions were ‘fixed’ and that Beulah’s father somehow manipulated the judges into giving his Beulah the fair’s top two awards.

“I deny any wrongdoing. I’m innocent of all charges and regret that my name and the name of my darling Beulah should be the object of scorn and ridicule.” Dennis Ford wrote in a editorial published in the Confederacy Times, where he owns the controlling interest. Strangely enough, not one letter to the editor insinuating the competitions were fixed was published.

“I blame the Confederacy Post Office. Not one single letter about the judging crossed my desk,” wrote Marvin Miller, editor of the Confederacy Times, in an editorial commenting on the widespread village gossip that he refused to publish letters criticizing the judging of the Fair's competitions. “I deny any wrongdoing and regret there are those that claim this newspaper is overly influenced by the Ford Family. Shame on them, and I quote myself on that!”

Last week Cowpie and Beulah posed for their official picture, sponsored by Cloverdale’s Dairy Association. The picture will be used as the cover photograph on the Association’s 2010 calendar. The slogan for this year's calendar is "Cloverdale's Ice Cream, An Udder Delight!" The Association is using the free calendar, delivered to your door with your Confederacy Times, to push an increase in dairy consumption within the Shire.To help with sales, Beulah was given an ice cream cone made with delicious Mint Chocolate Starlight Swirl ice cream made by the Mindfreeze Dairy, owned by Oscar and Olivette Mindfreeze.

It took several shots and many ice cream cones before an acceptable picture was taken. Cowpie disgraced one of the shots by seasoning the set with a digestive byproduct. Beulah was responsible for the rest of the bad shots. She was upset because the Dairy Association rejected her suggestion to have a Dairy King of her choice pose with her for this year's calendar.

The last shot of the day turned out to be the best (see above). Cowpie is back in her pasture and Beulah’s life has returned to normal. She still corrects her teacher and never fails to carry a sharpened pencil.

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