Wednesday, August 5, 2009

McDonalds Vs. Wimpy. Cloverdale's Burger Wars

Cloverdale's Current, Outdated McDonalds on the Coastal Highway.

There’s a storm threatening tonight’s Cloverdale Village Council Meeting scheduled at 7:00 P.M. in the Comprehensive School’s theater. McDonalds is petitioning the village to approve a zoning change on High Street so a new McDonalds can be built to replace Cloverdale’s old McDonalds built in 1964 on the Coastal Highway.

Cloverdale zoning ordinance #3245 clearly states that a new business licenses may not be granted to a business if a competing business exists within a one mile radius. According to the village constable the proposed new McDonalds will be one half mile from the High Street’s Wimpy Hamburger Bar. Wimpy and McDonalds are competitors and therefore McDonalds may not build on the proposed site according to the ordinance.

McDonalds is challenging the ordinance, stating that the ordinance says “new” businesses.
“McDonald’s has been a part of this community since 1964. Even the folks at Wimpy can do the math. We are not new to this community” said Ronald Rolfs, district manager.

McDonalds is throwing their money and resources at this,” replied Wanda Rich, Shire Supervisor of Wimpy Burgers. “They’ve got the resources to hire the best lawyers from Capital City to argue their case. Well, let them have their double breasted suits. We have Right on our side and the love of our loyal customers.”

Reports of bribery on McDonald’s part are surfacing. Several of Cloverdale’s council members were seen eating at McDonalds recently. This fact is not surprising. Many people are addicted to the Big Macs, fries and chocolate shakes McDonalds offers. The scandal concerns what the local government officials used for payment. Several people standing in line with them at the cash register report seeing them pay for their Value Meals with McDonald’s gift certificates!

There has been an increase of Ronald McDonald sightings in the village, and the double yellow arches are appearing on the posters and brochures of local charities as they move into fund raising season.

Not to be out maneuvered, Wimpy Burgers hired a powerful Capital City public relations firm to create an anti McDonalds campaign. Their posters, billboards and television ads are hitting the streets and airways in a blitz hoping to sway public opinion their way.

The final decision, McDonalds vs. Wimpy, will be made tonight. Both sides say it will be too close to call. Stay tuned for developments.

Wimpy Ad taken from local newspapers.

"McDonald's...... Dangerous.......Seductive........Cult............" Another ad from Wimpy Burgers

Part of a Television Campaign on Cloverdale Weekend Television sponsored by Wimpy.


  1. Hi mr Williamson I love this last picture!

  2. Having done nothing but read the article, I'm guessing this is a joke. Either way it was a very entertaining read, and I'll be passing it on!