Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Grandpa's Pride and Joy

Its time to meet two of Cloverdale’s newest citizens. May I introduce Master Copy and Master Paste, twin sons of Derrin and Doloris Decker of 63 Popular Circle. Of course their real names are Desmond and Dilbert.

The twin boy's Grandpa is the one with the sense of humor. Once he knew Doloris was having twins he started scheming on the perfect gift. He searched the internet for ideas but couldn’t find anything that grabbed his funny bone. Yes, there was Curly and Moe and Bread and Butter and Mutt and Jeff and Tom and Jerry and Apple and Pie and blah blah blah......... As I said, nothing took his fancy.

One afternoon Grandma Decker was working on her computer in the parlor. Grandpa was on the porch enjoying a warm afternoon with an ice tea and his bb gun. The neighbor’s dog was on his hit list. He was determined to reward the mutt with a little surprise for digging up his carrots. Bunny, the dog, seemed to know something was amiss and stayed as far from the Deckers as possible. Grandpa didn’t mind. He was retired from the railroad and had all afternoon. Time was on his side.

At quarter pass two he noticed his empty glass and called out to Grandma for a refill. She told him what he could do with the glass. Grandma didn’t like to be disturbed while she was scrapbooking. Grandpa knew the glass wouldn’t refill itself so he made the effort and went to the kitchen. On his way back to the porch he made a stop in the parlor to see what Grandma was up to. Grandma was OK with an observer but you had to stand back and not crowd her. “Breathing her air” is how she put it when you stood too close and put her nerves on edge.

Grandpa watched as her wrinkled hands maneuvered the mouse. He noticed how she grabbed pictures from one side of the screen and place them onto her album.
“How did ya do that?” he asked while scratching his chin. Grandpa wasn’t one for the computer. He was still baffled by the VCR that sat on top of their old TV set in the den. It was used once ten years ago. Now it sits and flashes some useless numbers in eerie green.
“I find a picture I like and I copy and paste it into my album,” she said as she demonstrated by copying an angel with large white feathered wings and golden halo from one side of the screen and pasting onto her scrap book she was preparing for her granddaughter Debbie
“You see, you get a perfect copy.”

A light bulb exploded over Grandpa’s head. I could have said a light came on, meaning Grandpa got a brilliant idea, but Grandpa’s brain was missing too many cells to catch a thought illuminated by a simple light bulb. No, grandpa responded to explosions only and this came over as an explosion.
“Yes!” The old man shouted as he danced around the parlor.
“What is it?” Grandma said as she clutched her blouse signifying the shock of his shout nearly gave her in a coronary.
“I’ve got the perfect idea for Derrin’s new twins,” He said as he grabbed the keys to the 1983 Chevy and skipped out the door. “I’m heading to Tamworth on the Tide. Got to do some shopping. I’ll eat supper there.”

Grandma shrugged her shoulders and went back to her angel. She watched as Grandpa narrowly missed the garbage can as he backed out of the driveway. With a screech of the tires he was gone heading for the Coastal Highway. She saw Bunny make a dash for the lettuce. She smiled.

Whenever Derrin and Doloris bring the twins to Grandma and Grandpa’s they must wear the T-shirts Grandpa made specially for them. As soon as they pull into the driveway Grandpa rushes out to the car, pops the trunk an unfolds the double stroller. The boys are his for the afternoon. He takes them on long walks around the neighborhood looking for anyone stupid enough to share the sidewalk with him. Most folks know to stay clear until he passes because if you don’t, you’ll be forced to fuss over the twins and hear the shirt story for the thousandth time.

We aren’t sure but some are saying that Grandpa may love the shirts more than his two grandsons. Like I said, only some are saying it.

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