Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Logan Humpster, Cloverdale's Caped Crusader.

The first thing Logan Humpster of 354 Whipple White Way, Cloverdale does when he gets home from school is change into his Batman Halloween costume. His mother found it last week at Donaldson’s Department Store. She planned on waiting and giving it to him the night before Halloween for good reasons. Logan Humpster has an over excitable imagination and an unquenchable appetite for all things Batman. After careful consideration (the time it took to drive home from the department store) she decided to ignore her own better judgment and gave him the package. She regrets that decision now but the cat is out of the bag and Logan seems to have lost a firm grip on reality.

Once in costume, Logan sprints through the house singing the Batman theme song from the 1960’s American television series. He circles the dining room table, the coffee table and anyone that happens to be in his way. He tumbles up and over the sofa. He jumps up and down on everyone’s bed then does a series of cartwheels and front flips out the sliding glass patio doors and onto the deck.

Logan jumps on top of the picnic table and scans the sky. He looks for the Batman spotlight against the clouds. The spotlight is law enforcement's accepted way of making contact with Batman. Logan spends several minutes on the table. Of course no spotlight doesn't mean a lack of crime. Logan knows Cloverdale is the hub of all types of illegal activities. He knows his uncle, the chief constable, is powerless against such evil villains without his help. His imagination convinces him that if his uncle isn't calling for him then something must be terribly wrong at the police station.

“Gotta Go,” he yells to his mother as he races out the front door. He is gone before she can ask where.

Logan’s bike is his batmobile. He cycles down Whipple White Way, then onto Elm and finally High Street. The Police Station is his final destination. Logan’s uncle is one of Cloverdale’s two constables. He is desensitized to Logan’s daily appearances. He knows how to handle his nephew.
“What do you have for me today Commissioner?” Logan asks as he walks into the station. He stands like a superhero, hands on his hips, feet apart and chin held high.
“Logan, I didn’t turn on the spotlight. Batman comes only when he sees the spotlight.” His uncle responded as he walked over to the boy and straightened his cape.
“I know commissioner, but I thought you didn’t shine the spotlight because you were tied up or something after being attacked by a criminal.”
“Logan, this is Cloverdale.”
“I'm Batman. Please call me Batman Commissioner.”
“OK, Batman it is. Listen Batman, this is Cloverdale. People here are law abiding." His uncle thought for a moment and continued. "Listen, I have a theory why we don't have crime in Cloverdale. Would you like to hear my idea?”
"Yes?” Logan responded. He took a seat in front of his Uncle’s desk.
“They’re scared of you. That’s got to be the reason we don't have crime. The criminals are too afraid to come to Cloverdale because this town is under Batman’s protection. You are the best crime fighter in the world.”
Logan face beamed with pride, although it couldn’t be seen under the mask.
Without a crime to solve Logan faced a dilemma. What would he do for the rest of the afternoon.
“May I look at the books?” Logan asked. Logan loved to leaf through the large binders holding the mugshots of criminals from all over the Confederacy.
“Go for it.” his uncle responded.

And again, as he has done every day since getting the Batman costume, Logan reviewed the mug shots looking for any familiar face. His uncle knew boredom would set in within five minutes and the boy would be on his way to fight crime somewhere else and he was right. Five minutes after starting with the ‘A’s Logan shut the book, bid his uncle goodbye, and shot out the door to the Batmobile. He was determined to stop crime before it started.

This is the time when Logan gets into trouble. Logan's mom warned him over and over not to bother people but Logan fails to listen due to an overactive imagination.
This afternoon, Logan attempted to arrest Mrs. Rudolph for crossing the High Street outside the crosswalk. The 76 year old Grandmother of 32 stabbed at him with her cane to put him off the scent. Logan got the message when she connected with one of his ribs. He jumped on his bike and rode away rubbing his side.

His last stop before home was Cloverdale’s Academy of Dance. Logan placed an order for black tights to go with his Batman costume one week ago. Madame Trudy promised they’d be in any day. They still weren’t there. She said she’d have them delivered to Logan’s house to save him the trip to the studio but Logan would have none of that.

“I’m Batman and you don’t know my true identity so how can you have something delivered to me if you don’t know who I really am?” Logan asked.
“You’re Logan Hump....” Madame Trudy was interrupted before she could finish.
“I’m Batman and you don’t know where I live.”
“OK OK Batman. Keep your shorts on. You come by and pick up the tights tomorrow. Now scram.”
With that, Logan shot her a dirty look and walked out the studio’s door. He picked up his bike and started for home. He smiled when her remembered what the Commissioner said. Yes, Cloverdale was a safer place because Logan Humpster lived there.

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