Saturday, July 25, 2009

Boozer's Folly

Boozer belongs to Abigail Winthrop of New Church Road, Cloverdale. At one time Boozer chewed on everything, ate anything, and considered everywhere a perfectly good place to ‘do his business’.

Miss Winthrop and Boozer had an understanding. If he stayed outside she wouldn't chase him around the house frantically waving a rolled up newspaper.

On rare occasions Boozer escaped the back garden. It usually happened when the meter reader forgot to latch the gate. Once loose, Boozer made a bee line straight to Clair Wilmore’s front garden. Clair Wilmore’s front garden was Boozer’s doggy heaven. Her flower beds were a delight to dig up and her gnomes made wonderful chew toys.

The aftermath of Boozer’s last escape left Mrs. Wilmore in the hospital for what the doctors said was nervous exhaustion. Miss Winthrop occupied a bed in the room opposite. She was admitted for heat stroke. Apparently she spent two hours in 100 degree heat chasing Boozer around the back garden with Sunday’s rolled up newspaper.

Donnie Wilmore, favorite grandson of Clair Wilmore, vowed revenge after visiting his grandmother in the hospital. He purchased an explosive device from the Chinese FireWorks Depot, a fireworks stand four miles outside of Cloverdale’s village limits. Mr. and Mrs. Wong import the finest Chinese Fireworks Confederacy laws will and will not permit. His next stop was the butchers for a nice sausage link. Later that night Donnie went out into grandmother’s back garden, stuffed the explosive device into the end of the sausage, lit the fuse and called for Boozer.

The picture above tells the rest of the story.

Today's Boozer is not the old Boozer we grew to despise. The explosion took his sense of smell so he has no interest in sniffing where other dogs have been. He has no teeth so he can’t chew on everything he comes in contact with. He lost some of his hearing so he doesn’t get excited when the door bell rings. His behavioral change is so dramatic that Abigail allows him into the house for his meals. Abigail found that the Piggly Wiggly’s own brand of mushy geriatric dog food is the only one Boozer will eat (of course a healthy addition of beer is added for digestion and his occasional temper eruption).

Abigail is happy. Clair is recovering and Boozer really doesn’t know much of anything any more.

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