Sunday, June 21, 2009
Turner and Establisment Sucks
Turner Bateman and his son celebrated Father’s Day by getting their hair cut and styled. Turner is trying to revive punk rock but finding the going difficult. His band “Establishment Sucks” played at a few local clubs until Cloverdale’s Council of Churches labeled their their music as “an affront to family, faith, and the rule of law”. The Council’s statement when on to say, ”All good citizens should do everything in their power to curtail this kind of anti establishment element from taking hold in our society”.
The only hall that still permits them to play is owned by the Unitarians. They can still draw a crowd but the numbers are noticeably down from the days before the edict was issued. Turner and his followers look at this implied censorship as a breech of the Citizen’s Charter upon which all Freedoms in the Confederacy are based. They believe their freedom of speech has been violated and decided to sue the Council and demand a retraction of the statement and an apology. To pay the court costs, the band held three fund raiser concerts. The Confederacy Civil Liberties Union will represent them at no charge.
The band also called for a march on the Village Hall. The march brought more spectators than marchers. Cloverdale’s citizens came out to see what the local paper described as a ‘Clown’s Parade’. Both adults and children clapped in appreciation of the unique costumes and clown’s unbelievable hair styles. One local villager said the Punk Rocker’s demonstration was the “best damn parade this village has seen in ten years!”
Cloverdale’s Council of Churches refused to apologize for their statement and have retained the law firm of Dolt, Dilbert and Dull to represent them when the matter comes before the Shire’s First Court next month.
When a local reporter asked Turner why a punk rock band called Establishment Sucks would use the ‘establishment’ to address the wrong they felt was done to them, Turner shouted,”Death to order, Long live chaos.” Then in a subdued tone he added,”but a revolution doesn’t happen overnight. I guess what I’m saying is we need the establishment to destroy the establishment. Yeah, that’s what I’m saying and you can quote me.”
“So,” the reporter continued,”you want the establishment to help you destroy itself?”
“Got it in one!” Turner shouted. He picked up his son, took his wife's hand, waved to the couple dozen or so that gathered to see the court papers filed, and walked to the minivan he and his wife purchased to carry the band’s equipment. He buckled his son into a car seat, slid the door closed and drove away in a cloud of blue smoke shouting, "Long Life Anarchy!" Of course, they both wore their seat belts. Turner makes it a point to always buckle up pointing out that your average Cloverdale citizen is clueless to road safety.