Saturday, March 21, 2009
Cloverdale's Samuel Secrets and his Money Laundering and Repair Service
Thousands of Dollars, Yen, Euros, Swiss Francs, etc pass through the hands of Samuel Secrets every year. He is a world expert in money laundering and repair. His clients are as varied as the colors of the bank notes he meticulously fusses over. Today he is cleaning bank notes from Germany’s Deutsche Bank. The bank received the notes from Columbia via steamship. The dirty and damaged notes were delivered to Samuel by armored Hummer. Each note is examined, cleaned, pressed, dried and sewn if needed to Samuel’s exacting standards.
Tomorrow Samuel is expecting a major shipment of American Dollars sent by a Cuban Syndicate of tulip bulb importers operating out of Miami. Cleaning and repairing dollars once bored Samuel. Dollars were green, dull and lifeless. The new dollars coming from the United States shows promise. Samuel enjoys the colors and design, although the large purple 5 in the corner of the five dollar bill seems out of place.
Samuel lost some of his interest in money laundering and repair when the European Union abandoned their individual currencies and adopted the Euro. Samuel considers Euro’s works of art but he misses several of the old national bank notes. He went through a long bout of depression when he cleaned his last briefcase of Italian Lira sent by the Julianio family of Sicily. The briefcase was labeled 'Government Favors'. Samuel was impressed this simple Italian family would dedicate so much money to purchase simple gifts for the humble public servents of Italy. He felt blessed to have such public minded clients.
The hardest part of Samuel Secrets’s business is money repair. A ripped bank note can be very difficult to sew back together. The quality of the stitches depends on the strength and thickness of the paper. Everyone in the business agrees the American Dollar is printed on the best paper. It is the standard all countries should follow.
Remember Samuel Secrets’s Money Laundering and Repair when you need your money cleaned. He is a true professional and very discreet with his clients. "Your Money is Treated Like My Money" is his slogan. Samuel prides himself on delivering virtually untraceable money. Your money is as clean as it was when it first came off the presses when you entrust it to Samuel Secrets.
Samuel interviews new prospective clients on the third Thursday of every month at The Kicking Donkey Pub. Look for him sitting at his specially reserved table near the emergency exit. Be sure your not followed.