Dylan Wood named Student of the Day at Cloverdale's School for the Behaviorally Challenged.

   
     Dylan Wood, a ward of the state, was recently named Student of the Day at Cloverdale's  School for the Behaviorally Challenged. His selection for this honor was partially based on his outstanding essay, "Screw Greenhouse Gases".  A second reason for this honor was explained by the school's headmaster during the award's announcement over the school's PA system right before today's dismissal. "Dylan made it to the end of the day without overturning one single desk.  It only took 176 days of school and therapy, but he did it.
Congratulations Dylan". 

Sister Mary Edna Turns 100.

     Sister Edna Mary of the Sisters of Eternal Hope is celebrating her 100th birthday. She is a character isn't she? She ignores Cloverdale's ban on nursing home smoking, not to mention the always forbidden policy regulating the lighting of matches near oxygen bottles. 
     "It'll be a cold day in hell before they get my smokes!" she was heard shouting at the street sweepers yesterday as they swept the street in front of the Nearly There Home for the Elderly and Confused. They are not bothered by Sister Edna Mary's rants and take no notice.
     The nurses at the home tried to convince Sister Edna Mary to switch to the new smokeless, water vapor electronic cigarettes. She couldn't get it into her head that lighting them wasn't an option.     
     Don't stare at her cigarettes If you visit Sister Edna. It makes her uneasy.  She'll think you're there to take them away. 
     "You'll have to pry them from my cold dead fingers!" She'll shout as she makes a run for the door.  

Abner Applegate

Abner Applegate

For the last forty-five years, Abner Applegate has reported on the village's downtown happenings for the shire's only newspaper, The Cloverdale Times.

Abner monitors the community's pulse from his favorite bench outside the village's Piggly Wiggly.  The bench sits next to the coin operated rocket ride and opposite the atomic gumball machine.  

     

"There isn't much that gets by old Abner," the store's manager was heard saying just the other day.

Abner appreciates news tips and leads.  He asks that they be written and deposited in the open satchel he keeps next to him on the bench. Please be mindful and don't wake him - if at all possible.  

Lucy Mayberry

Lucy Mayberry

     Lucy Mayberry is President of the Daughters of the Confederacy and the Chairwoman of the Spruce Street Neighborhood Watch Committee. What a good job she does! She sits on her porch day and night watching everyone and everything. "Nothing Gets by Lucy," is a phrase heard over and over again from Lucy's neighbors.
     She is also know for her delicious Twice Baked Brownies.
     Lucy is considering a run for the village school board and would appreciate any and all donations to her candidacy.
     "I'm running against Titus Miller, and you know what kind of money that man has stashed away," Lucy said at a gathering of her supporters in her front parlor Tuesday last.  Her Twice Baked Brownies were the main attraction, her politicking was secondary.  She was fortunate enough to raise enough cash to fund a  few hundred flyers to be distributed at the village tulip festival next week.
     Lucy is looking for someone familiar with the internet to help her get a Facebook.  She'd like to get lots of 'likes', although she is the first to confess she hasn't a clue what a 'like' is.       Be sure to stop by Lucy's booth at the tulip festival, sample a Twice Baked Brownie, and drop a few coins in the "Lucy for School Board" can.     

Albert's Most Righteous Bubble

     Albert Lewis of 37 Twin Peaks Lane disrupted the Widow Johnson's sunday school class at the Saved by Grace Baptist Church in Cloverdale today. Acting upon a dare issued by Forest Blume, a well known sunday school miscreant, Albert chewed mightily to soften the gum while the Widow Johnson spoke of man's sinful nature. Then, just as she reached the point in the lesson where she held her hands to the heavens and called on the Holy Spirit to touch the hearts and minds of those in her charge, Albert blew his bubble. The "POP" pierced the silent prayer - giving the Widow Johnson a fright.
     "Jesus!" The Widow Johnson exclaimed. The class erupted into laughter.
     "Forest Blume!" The Widow Johnson shouted.  She looked straight at the only boy in the class with the temperament to do such a thing. "You're Hell bound for sure," she scolded. "Only you would do such a thing in a Baptist Sunday School."  Forest smiled, then pointed to Albert. The pink remains of the most righteous bubble draped over his mouth, chin and nose provided the evidence.
     "Albert Lewis?" The Widow Johnson couldn't believe her most religious student, her young pastor to be, would get involved in such tomfoolery.
     "Forest dared me to do it," Albert confessed as he watch her building anger transform her face.
     The Widow Johnson took both boys by the arm.  "I should have known," she mumbled as she led them straight to the Pastor's office for a proper rebuking.
     Sunday's are never dull at Cloverdale's Saved by Grace Baptist Church.