Cloverdale Weekend Television. Music for a Still Summer's Night.

Cloverdale Weekend Television:
Saturday Night: 19:00 hrs - 22:00 hrs. Music for a Still Summer's Night. Followed by the news and weather.

Cloverdale's Leroy Pickins Protests the Twilight Movie Series.

Leroy Pickins Outside the Grand Theater at Last Year's Showing of Twilight

Leroy Pickins woke two days ago after a restless sleep. The anticipation and long wait for the new Twilight movie was over. Eclipse, the third movie in the Twilight saga would be shown at Cloverdale's Grand Theater that night for the first time. His excitement wasn’t born from a love for the series, in fact the opposite was true. Leroy’s excitement sprang from his loathing of all things which spring from Satan’s loins.

“Them Vampires are of the devil,” Leroy was quoted as saying in an article published in the Confederacy Times when the last Twilight movie was shown in Cloverdale a year ago. Leroy picketed the theater for three days, warning all movie goers that their souls were in danger of Hell’s fires if they entered the theater. On the second day Leroy realized his warnings were falling on deaf ears. Despite his pleas and curses, the line for each showing seemed to be growing larger and larger. He needed something more than just words to startle those hypnotized by demons back into a state of grace. On the morning of his last day of protesting, Leroy stopped at the local Piggly Wiggly on his way to the Grand Theater to purchase ten pounds of hamburger.

The village constable was waiting for him when he arrived.
“Leroy, you’ve got to stay off the Grand Theater’s property today or I’ll have to take you in. You got that?” the Constable said sternly.
“Got it sheriff,” Leroy answered back sarcastically. The Constable stayed for several minutes before getting a call about a possible accident between a car and a poorly thrown Frisbee near the Village Park. The Constable hopped onto his bike and pedaled away, waving his finger at Leroy until he was out of sight.

Leroy reached into the Piggly Wiggly plastic grocery carrier bag and took out the raw meat. He opened the wrapper and started to roll the ten pounds of hamburger into tiny one inch diameter balls.
“If these so called Christians love blood and guts then I’ll give it to ‘em. It will all be right here on the streets. There ain’t no need to go into the theater to see it,” Leroy said confidently to two twelve year old boys who happened to be passing on their skateboards and took an interest in his large sign urging people to ask him why they were Hell bound.
“Can we help you throw those?!” one boy said with much enthusiasm.
“Are you a good Christian?” Leroy asked.
“Jesus died for my sins!” the boy shouted.
“Hallelujah and Amen!” Leroy said to finish the moment of praise. “Let’s get throwing.”

Leroy and the two boys started peppering the thirty or so people standing in the Twilight line outside the theater with raw hamburger balls. The few men in the line ran for cover. The ladies, on the other hand, would have none of it. They broke the line and charged toward Leroy and the lads.

By the time the Constable arrived the three were lying face down in the grass, their mouths stuffed with raw hamburger. Leroy was given a ticket for violating the peace and contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

Sam Bilbo and Nick Olsen in the Village Jail Awaiting Parental Pick Up
after throwing raw hamburger at the patrons of the Grand Theater.

This year Leroy thought he'd take a different approach. He purchased a digital camera a week after learning of the first showing of Eclipse at the Grand Theater in mid summer. He enrolled in community education at the Comprehensive School and took a class in Blogging. To pass the class, Leroy was required to start a blog and maintain it for at least two months.

Leroy’s blog was called, “Why You’re a Sinner”. two nights ago the blog got its first pictures. Leroy used his digital camera to on take picture of everyone in the Eclipse line and posted them to his blog.

“Smile, You’re on Hell’s Camera!” he shouted as he snapped picture after picture of people exited their cars and getting into the movie line. The Constable was on hand to be sure the events of a year ago were not repeated. The two boys, now thirteen, were there as well egging Leroy on. Leroy rushed home as soon as everyone in the line got into the movie and posted his pictures to the web. He was pleased with his work and was excited to return the next night to continue his campaign of shame against the army of Satan.

Last night, Leroy returned with sign and camera. He positioned himself across the street from the Grand Theater and waited. Thirty minutes later people started arriving.
“Smile, You’re on Hell’s Camera!” Leroy shouted as he snapped picture after picture.
The Constable was absent. That fact surprised Leroy. Leroy was also surprised to see so many children in the line that evening.

“Can you believe it?” Leroy said to his two delinquent supporters who returned to see what Leroy was up to. “Have those sinners no shame? Look how they take their children into that movie!”

Ten minutes later the Constable arrived by bike. 

“Leroy, what are you doing here tonight?” he demanded. He was short of breath and dripped with sweat. You could tell he had rushed to get there.

“You know what I’m doing Sheriff,” Leroy answered. “I’m trying to save those innocent children from the flames of Hell because you and I know the Devil will get into their minds after seeing that movie.”

The Constable looked confused and surprised. He motioned the two boys away. They hopped atop their skateboards and clickity clacked down the sidewalk. Turning back to Leroy the Constable asked, “What Movie?!”

“Eclipse!” Leroy shouted back, giving the Constable a look of unbelief. He knew the village Constable was a bit slow at times but tonight he seemed as thick as an “Over the Top” milkshake from the Dairy Queen.

“Leroy, Eclipse isn’t playing tonight,” the constable said with a better look of disbelief than Leroy could muster. “The Grand is playing Toy Story 3 tonight. Eclipse played for one night only last night as a special showing. It don’t open on a regular basis until next week YOU IDIOT!”

Leroy had to stoop down to pick his jaw up off the sidewalk after hearing the Constable's words. He’d just made a fool out of himself.

“Get outta here!” the Constable ordered. An order Leroy didn’t question.

Leroy spent today licking his wounds. The battle of against sin had given him a lickin but he knew he had what it took to come back tickin. His crusade to save the souls of Cloverdale’s citizens would continue when Eclipse opened for its regular run. Until then, Leroy thought it best to enjoy a drink at the Hairy Lemon with a few friends. I passed him on the street as I was heading home from the Train Station.

Yes, its just another day in Cloverdale.....

The Weather for Cloverdale and Surrounding Communities and Sounds of Praise!

Cloverdale Weather.

A cold front surprised many this morning with below average temperatures. Expect highs in the mid 70's and lows in the upper 50's. While rain is scarce there is an abundance of sunshine bathing the Shire with lovely temperate summer temperatures making an pleasant outing a necessity.

Today Cloverdale Weekend Television celebrates 35 years of Sounds of Praise, brought to you by Cloverdale's Council of Churches, hoping to see you in one of our houses of worship today and every weekend. Remember, if you feel distant from God, Guess who moved?

Wally and Kathy Tesmond Celebrated their 50th Anniversary

Two weeks ago, Wally and Kathy Tesmond printed an add in the Confederacy Times inviting everyone in Cloverdale to attend their 50th wedding anniversary party held last night in the Social Hall of the Saved By Grace Lutheran Church.

The anniversary party started promptly at 5:00 P.M. 5:00 P.M. was thought to be too early by some, but considering many of those that attended were residents of the Nearly There Home for the Aged and Infirmed, a 5:00 P.M. starting time guaranteed a large percentage of the guests would be awake and alert at 7:00 P.M. when the couple planned to re-exchange vows in a wedding renewal ceremony performed by Pastor Lars Sveedeen.

The happy couple greeted everyone as they entered through the double metal fire doors separating the social hall from the chapel. Kathy looked radiant in a pink dress highlighted with small white lace flowers. Her hair was heavily lacquered thanks to a special treatment at Cloverdale’s very own Peter Pan Beauty Salon, where they guarantee to remove years from your appearance using a combination of hair dyes, hair inserts, make up, and clothing from the Mid Life Range consigned from the Woman’s Department of Donaldson’d Department Store.

Wally looked smart in a nicely pressed shirt with bow tie. He was freshly shaved and smelled of Old Spice and Ivory Soap. His grasp was firm even after several years of retirement from their farm.

Wally saw me two people down in the line and perked up. We hadn’t spoken in a couple years and he was always curious about news from The Other World at the end of the railroad tracks leading out of the Confederacy.
“What news from outside our little hamlet?” he asked with a twinkle in his eye and a smile revealing his coffee stained teeth when the slowly moving line deposited me before him.

Before answering I patted his upper arm near the shoulder to demonstrate our friendship.
“A mess Wally, its a real mess out there.” I said in a voice loud enough to be heard over the Clearly Sister’s Trio. The Clearly Sisters provided live music for the party. Eva Clearly played the piano, Margaret Clearly played the Bass and Minerva Clearly sang.

“Economies are nearly bankruptcy, banks are hesitant to lend money and unemployment is still a major factor slowing the recovery world wide,” I said finishing off my summary of world events.
“Oh my,” Wally responded with a look of worry in his eyes for his younger brother and family who lived in the greater Chicago area of the United States.
“Shall we talk later?” I asked, to which Wally nodded and reached out to greet the guest behind me. I left the line and quickly found the refreshment table.

The Saved By Grace Lutheran Church’s Women’s Guild provided the refreshments, served near the kitchen’s open serving window. On the far left of the table was the big industrial coffee pot. Next to the coffee were several trays of Swedish meatballs with toothpick handles. After the meatballs were assorted crackers, buns, cheeses and meats. Desserts consumed the last third of the table. In the center of the room, sitting atop a card table, was an anniversary cake provided by the Piggly Wiggly in store bakery. It was in the shape of the number 50 with butter cream frosting covering a white cake with strawberry filling. The cake was guarded by several of the wheelchair bound residents of the Nearly There Home for the Aged and Infirmed. They held plates in their laps and plastic forks in their hands - ready and waiting for the cake to be served. You see, sweets are discouraged by the Home’s Warden. Many of the residents suffer from diabetes; others suffer from constant infections from bad teeth and poorly fitted dentures.

I made it around the room several times, talking to my friends and neighbors before the ceremony began. The pastor stood near the false waterfall, provided by Ace Hardware’s Outdoors Department. The trickling sound of the water caused Wally to interrupt the re-exchanging of vows to make a quick bathroom stop. The pastor himself was affect by the sounds as were several others, each taking turns excusing themselves from the room. Finally, the pastor stepped firmly down on the small hose recycling the water from the bottom holding tank to the top of the fountain. The trickling sound stopped and everyone was once again able to focus on the service.

Wally and Kathy kissed after the pastor announced they were, once again, husband and wife. Cheering erupted followed by a standing ovation. It was very well planned and executed.

By 8:00 P.M. the event was winding down. The sleeping seniors were wheeled into a waiting van. Everyone else parted one by one, each stopping one last time to wish the couple “Long Life.” I arranged a time to sit down with Wally one on one at the Hairy Lemon Pub to give him the highlights of my last trip into The Other World.

I exited the Social Hall, walked through the church’s foyer and then out through the chapel's large wooden doors into a warm Cloverdale evening. The sun was setting behind the distant mountains. The sky was a painter’s palette of color with bright oranges at the horizon changing to dark blue directly overhead. I walked toward the High Street greeting my fellow citizens along the way.

There is nothing finer than a stroll through the fine village of Cloverdale in the warmth of a summer’s evening. The smell of the Moss Wonderland Bakery dominated the air until my walk brought me close to the Kicking Donkey’s outdoor barbecue. The delicious smell of simmering beef drew me off my chosen path. Perhaps an hour or so with good company and a nice steak cooked medium rare wouldn’t hurt.

I turned toward the Pub, crossed the street and quickened my pace. Off in the distance I heard the whistle of the approaching Coastal Express as it neared the train station.

Life is good in Cloverdale.

Dale Po's New Phone

Dale Po is the son of Lance and Emily Po of Cloverdale. He is a child of remarkable concentration and shows evidence of giftedness. Last week he sat through the entire showing of Shrek at the Grand Theater. The flickering images on the large screen kept his attention. His mother says he even laughed at the right places in the film. Mind you, she isn’t claiming he understood the words, but he seemed perceptive to his surroundings and mimicked the sounds coming from the people around him.

Yesterday Lance Po found a pink plastic toy cell phone while picking up milk and eggs at the local Piggly Wiggly on his way home from work. It was was in a bin of old Christmas toys still waiting for loving homes and kind children. The price was right and Lance thought that if his son had his own phone he wouldn’t keep reaching for his every time it rang.

Lance returned home to find Dale in his high chair and Emily feeding him his mashed carrots. "Look what Daddy's got for you!" he said as he pulled the pink toy from the brown paper grocery bag. Dale clapped his hands in anticipation and reached with both hands to take the phone from his father. Lance handed the phone to the boy. Dale examined it to see if it had all the right buttons. He stuck it in his mouth to get the feel of the plastic on his tongue. Taste was another issue. Dale wanted to determine if the toy's plastic was similar in taste to his father’s cell phone. He squirmed to get out of his high chair. Emily picked him up and sat him on the floor. Dale put his new toy down and layed next to it. He stared at his new toy intently.

Several minutes passed. The boy blinked by did not move. He didn’t take his eyes off the phone. He waited, patiently.

Lance and Emily Po were bewildered. Didn’t he like his new toy? Why wasn’t he playing with it? Had he lost interest that quickly?

Several more minutes passed. Dale still stared and waited.

“He’s waiting for it to ring,” Emily said after thinking about her son's thought processes. “He doesn’t see us playing with our phones. We leave them be until someone calls. That when we pick them up. He doing what he sees us doing.”

“Remarkable,” Lance exclaimed. “But what are we going to do. Take the phone away from him?”

“I have an idea,” Emily said as she reached for the cordless phone next to the sofa. She dialed her husband’s cell phone.
“What are you doing?” Lance asked.
“Shhh, don’t answer,” Emily replied with the smile of a bright idea.

Lance’s phone rang. Dale immediately picked up his pink toy phone and began speaking Gibberish - the International Toddler’s Language. Emily’s idea had worked.

Lance and Emily Po spent the next hour listening to Dale’s conversations. It made for a wonderful afternoon.