Tuesday, January 12, 2010
The Frugals. Cloverdale's Newest Residents
The Cloverdale Welcome Wagon Committee is please to announce the arrival of the Hyrum Frugal family to our community. The Frugals are from the Other World's Other World, meaning complete social outcasts. Hyrum, realizing his children had no hope of a semi normal life considering their genetic handicap, applied for resident visas to the Confederacy for himself, his wife and his seven children.
The visas were approved by the Confederacy's Committee for the Hopeless. They were mailed to the Frugals along with train tickets to Cloverdale and the keys to temporary housing until Hyrum find's employment in the village. The Frugals arrived last week aboard Wednesday's Coastal Express. They were met at the station by the village's Welcome Wagon Committee and presented with a basket of food. Mrs. Tuttleson, Chairwoman of the Committee, spoke on behalf of the people of Cloverdale when she welcomed them to our village where even the inbred and socially retarded can find a respect and peace. Mrs. Martha Frugal began crying, which caused two of her seven children to start crying. Soon everyone at the station was crying. The Frugal's arrival reminded everyone at the station of the day they first stepped foot in this sanctuary of Cloverdale.
The family gathered up their suitcases and started the long walk down the high street toward their temporary home. The children appeared frightened and refused to return people's greetings. Mr. and Mrs. Frugal begged forgiveness for their children's rude behaviour.
"They never left the house in the Other World so they don't know how to properly behave," Martha explained.
Confederacy Elementary School's Headmistress stopped the family as they walked by the school and invited them in to enroll their children and take a tour.
"Our children are home schooled," Martha replied. "The raising of our children is our responsibility not the job of strangers. That's the way we were raised by Grandma, right Hyrum?"
Hyrum nodded. He seemed distantly focused on a bird in flight. The headmistress recognized that look. It was adult ADD. A bad sign for the rest of them.
"You were raised together then?" inquired the headmistress.
"Cousins. We're first cousins once removed I believe that's what they call it but we're not sure. We just fell in love and the rest is standing right here before you, these seven wonderful handsome children."
The headmistress nodded her head and slowly backed away from the family, never turning her back to them. The family continued down the road until they found their new home.
The Frugals have settled in and are ready to immerse themselves into the social life of Cloverdale. The homeschooling lessons started on Monday. Hyrum spent most of the weekend disconnecting the house from the village's electrical grid.
"We prefer simple," he explained as the neighbors watched in shock as the home's toilet was set out on the curb. The oldest boy was out back digging the pit for the family's outhouse. The Dish Network's rooftop dish was taken down and turned into a bird bath on the front lawn. The washer and dryer were out on the curb with a sign inviting anyone interested to take without guilt.
Citizens of Cloverdale, we present the Frugals. You may stop by for a visit anytime between 5:00 and 8:00 P.M. (the time the family goes to bed every night). Hyrum suggests you bring your gun. He does so enjoy cleaning guns when he has company.