Monday, October 5, 2009

Our Failed Olympic Bid

Cloverdale Weekend Television was on hand last week to broadcast the village's reaction to the International Olympic Committee's announcement on what city will host the 2016 Olympics. The Confederacy of Dunces was in the running with its bid to host the games in Capital City. This was the Confederacy's third attempt to win the bid. Our bid committee promised results this year. They were counting on the sympathy vote usually reserved for the serious underdog.

At mid day the first round of voting was announced. Capital City was the first city eliminated. Chicago was the second. The photograph above shows the residents of Cloverdale suffering shock and disappointment after hearing the news. The banners reading "Dunces for 2016" and "Dunces and Olympics - a perfect partnership" littered the ground after the gathering dispersed. Most folks went home. Others made a bee line for Cloverdale's two pubs, The Kicking Donkey and the Hairy Lemon. It was nearly lunch time. They wanted to get tables before the students from the Comprehensive School took them all.

"I get the feeling us Dunces get no respect from that Olympic Committee," said Lou Natters, long time resident and former Dunce Olympic pole vaulter in the 1936 games in Berlin. Lou took last place but brags about shaking Hitler's hand when he was mistaken as the silver medalist.

"What am I going to do with all these t-shirts?" Muke Shoubroom sadly said as he loaded his farm cart with box after box of t-shirts he had specially made for the winning bid celebration using his earnings from last year's harvest. Each shirt had the slogan 2016. The Dunce Olympics. Filbert and Fellina Owl, the official Dunce Olympic mascots, sat on the Olympic 5 ring logo waving their wings to welcome to the world. "My wife's going to kill me," he said over and over as he stacked the boxes. He was last seen downing several pints of Cloverdale Scrumpy at The Kicking Donkey.

Trup Migworm, Dunce Minister of Sport and Gambling gave the official Dunce response to the sad news.

I know I speak for all Dunces in the Confederacy when I say how sad we are at not being selected to host the 2016 Olympics here in Capital City. It was a battle we fought for, and sadly lost. We had the ambition. We had the drive. We had the spirit. Money might have been a problem, but with creative financing and the sale of DBonds, the Finance Minister guaranteed the money would be available.

Take heart fellow Dunces. There is always 2020. And in the meantime I'm happy to announce our intention to bring the Goodwill Games back from bankruptcy and host them here in the Confederacy! And let's not forget our very own Dunce Games, held every year at Capital Stadium, where the best athletes in the nation gather in spirited competition. We will however need a better turnout. Ticket sales last year just didn't cut it.

Now everyone go home. The party's over. There's nothing to see.
And so life in the Confederacy of Dunces returns to normal. People will go back to their daily routines and soon this pothole in our road will be long forgotten.

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