Get ready to unbuckle your belt and unbutton a few of your shirt buttons if you plan on visiting The Kicking Donkey Pub’s King Kong Burger Night every Wednesday from 7:00 - 9:00 P.M. right here in beautiful downtown Cloverdale.
I think I’m ready for a King Kong Burger. I’m over fifty and have a liking to food. Been that way ever since I was born. You know, eating, breathing, and ....er.... well you know how it all comes out in the end. So why not give up the celery and carrots for one night and live like a true Roman. Indulge. But the King Kong Burger is more than an indulgement. I consider it a decadent indulgement. Its the kind of meal you would have expected at Caesar’s table along with everything else editable or not.
Reservations are required two weeks in advance for the King Kong meal. I called for mine yesterday.
“Kicking Donkey,” a kindly old woman’s voice answered.
“I’d like to make a reservation for Wednesday, September 16th,” I said.
“Is this for a King Kong meal?” she asked.
“Yes. I’ve built up the courage, saved up my money and am on the required celery and carrots diet. You recommend that before anyone attempts to digest the King Kong, right?”
“Yes we do. I’m glad you’re preparing yourself. I’ll take you name and address in a moment but I need a few questions answered first. Are you ready?” The old woman was very business like. I appreciated that.
“Do you have any history of heart disease?”
“Do you have any history of high cholesterol?”
“Do you suffer from depression?”
“Do you have problems with digestion?”
“Well, I have my fair share of gas and heart burn.”
“I’ll take that as a 'no' shall I? If I write yes then I can’t make your reservation?”
“Very good. Now I’ll take your other information.....” She asked several other questions about next of kin and organ donation. The conversation ended with my reservation set for 8:30 P.M.
I am about to tackle one of the greatest gastronomical feats in the Confederacy of Dunces. I'm going to attempt to eat a King Kong Burger.
Now, I’ll need a pit crew, a posse. My gang who’s purpose will be to urge me on until I reach my goal of downing the entire thing. Wow, imagine eating half a cow at one sitting. And to top it off, the several dill pickles that crown the King Kong.
Is it possible? I don’t know. I honestly believe the only way to pull it off is to do what the Romans did. Eat until you can’t eat anything else, excused yourself, make a trip to the toilet and send it all down the flusher. Leave the table stuffed, return empty - ready for a refill.
Well, the day is set and I’m getting in shape for the big event. Wish me luck (but just in case luck is on holiday that night I’ve also made a doctor’s appointment for the following day).