Monday, August 10, 2009

Boomer and the Batty Wagon.

Boomer Batty lives on Park Lane Avenue in Cloverdale. He’s too young to drive and that fact presents a dilemma. Boomer has places to go and people to see. Now, how does one too young to drive solve a serious problem like that?

Pictured above is Boomer’s solution - the Batty Wagon. Perhaps I forgot to mention that Boomer is considered a gifted child by the Ministry of Education and Employment. Using his Gifted classification and abnormally high IQ, Boomer gained access to the Comprehensive School’s trade shops. Using his annoying voice and persistence, Boomer gained access to the school’s drafting computers. Using his charm and persuasive skills, Boomer got access to Henry’s Junkyard and Scrap Metal three miles outside of the village on Highway One. With designs in hand, and a very convincing lie about a school science fair project, Boomer talked the Junkyard into donating the materials he needed to build the Batty Wagon. Construction was completed in two weeks. During that time Boomer rarely left the shop, and when he did, it was with the custodian’s help (by the scruff of the neck).

Of course, Boomer needed music for his outings. He owned a WalkMan portable cassette player and earphones. They were OK when he was on foot. But because of his pending graduation from shoe leather to rubber wheels, Boomer needed something else. He wanted a sound system so passengers could also enjoy his music. He needed something massively awesome.......something that made a statement. He needed something to tell the village that Boomer Batty was approaching and clear the sidewalks.

Boomer found the solution while he and his mother visited the Salvation Army Thrift Store. Boomer went straight to the electronics department while Mrs. Batty looked for used romance novels. A large sign reading “CLEARANCE. ALL PRICES REDUCED” caught his attention. He walked toward the sign. There, on a large banquet table sat a set of speakers. Boomer closely examined each one. They seemed in perfect working order. He stood back, closed his eyes and imagined himself on the Batty Wagon riding through town with those speakers blasting away. In his vision he saw all of his friends crowd around wanting rides. He smiled when the girls in his class appeared, each one begging to be his girlfriend. Such was the power of the Batty Wagon.

The sound system was installed three days later. It was the last thing added. The Batty Wagon was finished and ready for its maiden voyage. Boomer pushed it out of the school’s metal shop and set course for the village’s High Street. He reached down and pushed the play button on his cassette player as he neared the shops. The music caused quite a commotion as it boomed throughout the Shopping District. Windows rattled. Old age pensioners pulled their hearing aides from their ears. The Widow Wilson thought Cloverdale was having an earthquake and cowered under a table at the Mouse Hole where she was picking up her weekly order of Sharp Cheddar. Cloverdale’s telephone switchboard lit up with calls to the police station, and several dogs created an impromptu chorus of howling and yelping. Boomer was the talk of the town.

Boomer rides his Batty Wagon everywhere he goes but turns the volume down. He got a ticket for disturbing the peace. His parents made him work off the fine doing chores around the house.

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