Saturday, April 4, 2009

Pearl Fawn and Cloverdale's Psychic Awareness Day

Pearl Fawn. Psychic and Astrologer to the Confederacy Royal Court of
Grand Duke Maximilian Ferdinand Dunce

There was almost a commotion at the Cloverdale Train Station this afternoon. A large crowd of twelve very nearly packed platform one as they waited for the Coastal Express from Fernwood on the Moor. The Palmist Pearl Fawn, Psychic and Astrologer to the Confederacy Royal Court of Grand Duke Maximilian Ferdinand Dunce was due to arrive.

Pearl Fawn is known throughout the Confederacy of Dunces for her uncanny ability to see the present, past, and future by tracing lines on the palm of one’s hand. She is on a national tour to demonstrate her new ‘gift’. Pearl claims to have evolved onto a higher plane of existence over the last three weeks through meditation, watching her sodium intake and using ‘Yoga for Beginners’, a DVD set of yoga exercises she found on With this ascension came the gift of remote vision, or the ability to remotely read palms. In other words, she can psychically see your palm without actually seeing it. This new gift makes it possible for thousands of people to call her hotline (1-800-ISeesYou) and, for a nominal charge of $2.00 (American Dollars only) per minute payable through her PayPal account, have their palm read remotely.

Her visit to Cloverdale kicks off Cloverdale’s Psychic Awareness Day. This celebration of second sight begins with a welcoming ceremony at the train station by Cloverdale’s Amateur Psychics Association. There will be no vocal speeches. Instead, the welcoming remarks will be telepathically transmitted to the gathering . A local telepath will translate the thoughtremarks into toungespeak for those not blessed with the gift. After the welcoming thoughts, Pearl will lead a parade from the station to the Comprehensive School’s Little Theater. She will be escorted down the High Street by members of Thought Guard, the security service of the Psychic Association. Thought Guard will use their mental powers to create a thought shield around her to thwart a threatened mental terrorist attack from the rival Eye of Isis Club in Dibley in the Downs. These Dibley diviners are angry their hamlet wasn’t included on Pearl’s national tour appearances list.

Pearl will stop along the parade route to give random mini readings to the spectators. Priests will be on hand to give grief counseling in case misfortunes are foretold. The procession will stop at the Village Hall where Pearl will be given the Key to the City’s Minds. Following the presentation, Pearl will do a televised reading of the Lord Mayor’s palm. Afterwards she will give him a health analysis by reading his eye’s iris. The Lord Mayor's doctor will be present to confirm Pearl's reading.

The Psychic Celebration will kick off at Noon with a VIP luncheon in the Comprehensive School’s cafeteria. Toungespeak will be allowed for the remainder of the day so the non-gifted can fully participation the events. After lunch, Pearl will give the keynote address titled “The Solemn Responsibility of Reading the Future and Its Effects on the Present”. Workshops will fill the afternoon hours. The Workshop schedule is below:

  • 1:00 - 2:00 P.M. Using your ability to win at games of chance.
  • 2:00 - 3:00 P.M. The Psychic and the Law. Learn the dangers of using your powers to manipulate the police and the courts.
  • 4:00 - 5:00 P.M. DeadSpeak. Learn how to communicate with the dearly departed.
  • 5:00 - 6:00 P.M. Sci-Fi Psychics. Learn what The Force really is and how to use it against the weak minded. The last half of the workshop is spent learning the correct techniques to practice Vulcan Mind Melding.
Conference goers will learn the Proper method to mind meld

The Kicking Donkey Pub will supply a catered dinner. Your servers will be members of the school’s mildly gifted student club.

The conference’s Grand Finale is called “Monte Carlo”. The gym will be transformed to resemble a Monte Carlo casino. There will be games of chance (nickel limit) along with dancing and a floor show of psychedelic lights and fog.

This promises to be the best Psychic Awareness Day in the community’s history. Let’s provide a warm Cloverdale welcome to Pearl Fawn and our visiting psychics. May their readings be accurate and may they see the good in all of us.

The Conference will offer free readings in the exhibits hall.

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