Jimmy Swill

Jimmy Swill’s tongue is all better as shown in this recent photograph. Jimmy saw “The Christmas Story” for the first time on CTV (Confederate TV) channel 3 two days before Christmas. He was intrigued by the part in the movie where the boy put his tongue on the cold metal swing and it stuck. “I thought it was them special effects cause all of us knows a flapper is slimy so it wouldn’t stick to no pole. Yep, is was them special effects and I was of a mind to prove it,” Jimmy said in an interview. After watching the movie Jimmy ran outside and found a metal swing very similar to the one used in the movie. “I sucked up enough spit to really coat my flapper and stuck it to the pole,” he said while showing how much spit he could create on demand. Jimmy’s tongue stuck to the pole.
“You could ov knocked me over with a feather,” Jimmy said. Jimmy spent the next two hours glued to the pole until Mrs. Emily Wacova of 23 Marigold Circle found him while she was walking her dog ‘Mr. Winkles’. “Mr. Winkles got away from me and made a bee line for the pole. You know.... to do his business. Well I heard him barking and rushed toward the sound. Right there I found Jimmy stuck to the same pole Mr. Winkles was using.” Mrs Wacova said while holding Mr. Winkles up for the camera.
Jimmy was taken to the Samaritan Clinic on the corner of Rose and St. John. “Them doctors told me that I’d loose my tongue to that frost but they saved it for sure and now its all better - here look,” Jimmy said. The picture was taken. A week later Jimmy was back at the Clinic suffering from a reaction to his fathers prescription anti fungus soap. He was repeating another scene from the same movie. Will Jimmy ever learn?