Floyd Farnell

Floyd Farnell enjoying his pipe while working on his crow deterrent system

Floyd Farnell and his good wife Fanny are farmers and long time residents of Cloverdale. A few weeks ago they were selling their somewhat organic produce at the local farmer’s market held every Saturday just outside of town on highway 3. As the day turned to dusk the selling tapered off giving the farmers time to gather, enjoy a cup of tea and discuss the price of corn, oats and sow bellies. This particular Saturday Dennis Drummon owner of the Drummon Dairy Farm near Dibbley in the Downs described a network of security cameras he recently installed on his farm. Dennis, known as a progressively modern farmer, kept using the word ‘deterrent’ as the reason for the purchase. Floyd was interested because he too had a problem with unwanted visitors to his farm. Floyd was also interested in joining that 'progressively modern' group of farmers.

Floyd checked the price of a similar security system for his farm. It was far too expersive for his small operation. Unwilling to admit defeat, He and Fanny put their heads together and thought long and hard about a less expensive way their farm could be ‘modernly progressive’. After much thought Floyd came up with a solution. He invited me to his farm to see it for myself. .

“Lord Mayor," he said in a lecturing tone as we stood near my car gazing out over his field, "crows are the number one thing that needs deterring on this farm. Our old scarecrow in the field wasn’t progressive enough and Farnell Farm is not behind the times. Remember we sell somewhat organic produce. So, I did some thinking about crows." Floyd took me by the arm and led me to a post covered with bird droppings as he continued his lecture. "Crows are smart birds. They were on to my scarecrow. A few days ago I found one sitting on its head picking at its button eyes." Floyd stopped and scratched his whiskers and continued, "Ya know, I nearly had a conversation with a crow right here," he said pointing to the stained post. He continued with his second point on the intelligence of crows, "Well...... nearly had a conversation cause I did all the talking. It would had been a conversation if the bird had said something - which it didn’t , but I thought in nearly did. These crows may outsmart a scarecrow but they can't outsmart a camera. I've got 'em!"

Floyd turned from my post and walked through the gate into his field. He waved his arm for me to follow. After some walking, we reached the middle of the field. Floyd stopped and pointed to the pole his scarecrow once hung on. The scarecrow was gone. Taking its place up at the top of the pole was an instamatic camera.
“There you go, a progressively modern and inexpensive security camera deterrent system, “ he said proudly. “The crows don't know the difference between a security camera with all the bells and whistles and the instamatic camera Fanny and I use to take pictures of the grandkids when they come visiting. They see this camera and they’ll think I got ‘em when in reality its all fake.” He pulled me closer and whispered in my ear, "That isn't a real security camera."
The gleam in his eye told me how proud he was of his unique method of modernization. I wanted to explain that Farmer Dennis’s use of the word deterrent didn’t refer to birds but Floyd was so proud of his creation I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

“You let me know how this works out,” I asked him as we turned to leave. I noticed off in the distance a crow sitting on a fence post. With the scarecrow gone the crows were about to enjoy a once in a life time feast.

A random crow found for this post. An attempt at

communciation was made. The crow didn't respond.