The Christmas Sing A Thon at the Nearly There Home for the Elderly and Infirmed.

Miller Pravit won last year's Christmas Sing A Thon. His winning was attributed to his love for old people, his desire to win the first place prize and his consuming of gallons of Red Bull. He was so wired from the caffeine that he continued to sing at the top of his lungs long after returning home. He missed the next three days of school suffering caffeine withdrawal.

Confederacy Elementary School's annual Christmas Sing A Thon will be held at 9:00 A.M. December 16th at the Nearly There Home for the Elderly and Infirmed.

Students will start singing after the elderly have been seated. Seating the elderly can take up to one hour so family and visitors should take that into account when deciding when to attend. Participating students will sing non stop until the last student quits, faints or becomes to hoarse to be heard over the piano accompaniment. Students will be allowed one bathroom and drink break per hour. Eating must be done while singing (difficult to do but possible if quick bites are taken between verses). The school nurse will be on duty to monitor the students. She will act quickly if she sees a student wavering, singing something different from the others, or singin markedly off tune. Other things she will look for include:

• Children facing the wrong direction.
• Children holding themselves (an indication that leakage has or soon will occur).
• Children sleeping while still standing and singing.
• Children moving their mouths but making no sound.
• Crying. Not a good thing for a Christmas Sing A Thon.

Children will be removed from the Sing A Thon for the following reasons:

• Making faces at the elderly.
• Excessive spiting (some spiting is allowed. Singing, by nature, produces spit. And that spit can be ejected from the mouth during loud singing).
• Excessive picking of the nose.
• The wetting of oneself.
• The replacing of a Christmas Carol's traditional words with modern coarse and crude lyrics.

Stimulated beverages are banned. Last year's students drank Red Bull by the gallons in an effort to stay alert and awake during the long evening hours. Many students suffered horrific caffeine withdrawal for several days following the performance.

Last Year's Christmas Sing A Thon Participants at the Start of the Event.

All participating students must attend an Elderly Awareness Class before the Nearly There Home for the Elderly and Infirmed will permit them to sing on their premises. The one hour film will teach the children about getting old and the effects of aging on the human body. Students will learn how to control their fear of the elderly. Special emphasis will put on mastering facial expressions. The elderly react negatively to the looks of horror and disgust children give old folks when their dentures slip or their bad eyes rotate in their sockets.

In the discussion following the film, students will learn how to ignore unpleasant ordors by scenting their right index finger with cologne when getting off the bus. The index finger can then be brought up to the nose to mask eldersmell upon entering the Home. Students will be taught to desensitize themselves to the smells of a rest home by moving their scented finger away from their nose for gradually increasing amounts of time.

The Street Crossing Sign in front of the Nearly There Home for the Elderly and Infirmed.

Confederacy's students will be canvassing Cloverdale's neighborhoods over the next several days seeking your pledge for the Sing A Thon. The school suggests you pledge a certain amount of money per carol sung. The event will be video taped in the unlikely event someone challenges the outcome and questions the amount of their pledge payment.

The money from the Christmas Sing A Thon will be used for ElderOutings to the Fun Park at Tamworth on Tide. The Home's residents enjoy their outings to the sea side, the carnival rides, and of course Cotton Candy. A perfect snack for those with teeth and those without.

Confederacy Elementary urges everyone in Cloverdale to support the Christmas Sing A Thon and pledge well.