Chester, the Star of the School's Haunted House Fund Raiser

With Halloween only days away Chester Lipperstein of 24 Evergreen Circle, Cloverdale spent Sunday rehearsing his part in Confederacy Primary School’s Haunted House Fund Raiser for the poor and unfortunate displaced mentally ill who walk the streets of the world’s cities. These are the forgotten people society ‘integrated’ into the general public as local and provincial governments closed their local mental hospitals in favor of outpatient treatment and heavy, mind altering medications.

Chester wrote a paper on the subject, as did all other students. Their papers were gathered in a binder and sent to the Confederacy’s Minister of Health and Asylums. Chester’s paper took first place in the Sixth Grade competition. Chester wrote:

Them mentally ill are scary. I seen them all the time at the Piggly Wiggly pushing them shopping carts. They eat stuff out of the trash cans. I think that’s gross. I seen one of them pissing on the wall outside the library. I think we should put them all back into them hospitals so they can scare each other and not little kids. I’m thinking that if you let little kids like me see people like that we might become crazy too and my mom wouldn’t like that and you don’t want to get my mom crazy because when my mom is crazy she does crazy things that I’m not suppose to talk about. My grandpa was crazy. They let him out of one of them hospitals. First thing he did was drop on all fours and start to eat the lawn. My dad laughed and said it was good because then he wouldn’t have to ever cut the grass again. My mom got really mad and locked grandpa up in the basement. I think he’s still down there but we are all afraid to go down and look cause he stopped making crazy noises about the time I had my last birthday. I asked mom about him but she said never mind and hangs up more of them air fresheners.

So in conclusion I think them hospitals should be opened up again for people like my grandpa so they don’t have to live on the streets or in the basements.

Chester tried out for the part of the half dead skeleton. Mrs. Pickle said the way he held his tongue cinched the part. She remarked how life like it was and imagined that all dead must carry their tongues in a similar fashion although she had never actually seen a dead person in real life. Chester said he got the idea of sticking out his tongue from his grandpa.
“That how he looked all the time when we used to visit him in the hospital,” Chester remembered. That was, of course, before he was released back to his family when the hospital closed.

When asked if he could hold the pose for the entire two hour fund raiser haunted house Chester replied,”Sure. Ain’t no different than what I do in class all day anyway.”

Friends, I give you Chester and his amazing rendition of the half dead skeleton for Confederacy Primary School’s Haunted House Charity. Be sure to attend. It will run every evening this week from 4:30 to 6:30 P.M. And to satisfy your post haunting hunger, the school’s PTA will be serving Sloppy Joes and home made root beer in the cafeteria. It is the highlight of the village’s Halloween celebration and the money will go to a good cause.