This week Cloverdale Weekend Television’s award winning talk show ‘You Are Sin’, hosted by Sister Elizabeth Mary Catherine Teresa - Mother Superior of the Convent of the Sisters of Ever Increasing Hope, brings you a show titled: Apple, the Curse of the Ages!
Join Sister Elizabeth as she traces the evolution of sin through time, starting with Adam and Eve and the apple from the tree. Learn how Eve was tempted by her desire for knowledge to take the forbidden apple and eat - thereby condemning us all to a death outside of the Garden. That taste of the forbidden fruit resulted in all the world's woes, including our present financial situation. Yes, everything can be traced back to sin, rotting away the timber in your foundation.
Using several diagrams, charts and two film strip presentations, Sister Elizabeth will take the first sin involving an apple into our modern time. She will show how the Apples of today still incite us to sin.
Her conclusion will shock you into a realization that today’s Apples, the iPods and iPhones carried in your pockets and wired directly into your brains through earphones, are slowly - song by song and application by application - carrying you away from Grace and a fellowship with the Saints.
Sister Elizabeth will interview several students from St. Bartholomew’s After School Apple Addiction 12 Step Program. Each student will tell his or her own story of how they were introduced into the Apple underworld through the gift of a parent, relative or friend already addicted to its carnal pleasures. The students will trace how using the Apple and its applications pulled them from the world of faith into the world of rock and roll, video games, texting and the horror of the Internet and Facebook.
Sister Elizabeth will show sacrilegious pictures of the students texting during Mass. You will see hidden video footage of students listening to wicked music and watching defiling YouTube videos during Confirmation Class. She will play secretly taped confessions from students who failed to confess their Apple ownership and addiction, thus resulting in a ‘Bad Confession’. Using a portable barbecue, lighter fluid and a straw doll, Sister Elizabeth will demonstrate the consequences of giving a Bad Confession. It will shock you into understanding the danger of Apple.
Sister Elizabeth will end her weekly show, as she always does, with a message of hope. There is hope for the Apple Addict. The hope springs from family and church interventions incorporating the 12 step Apple Addiction Program and true confessions. She will show happy students, released from their Apple bondage talking to each other in person and on the phone. You will see students listening to appropriate music over the radio or Hi Fi under parent supervision.
Beth Newgate is the Director ofSt. Bartholomew's 12 Step Apple Addiction Program.
Yes, the program will leave you with hope for your addicted loved one.
Be sure to gather the family around the television Sunday Morning for another weekly installment of You Are Sin. Brought to you by Ivory Soap. Ivory Soap is 99.9 percent pure and even floats on water. Remember to use Ivory Soap as part of your daily filth management system.
Ivory Soap. Proud Sponsor of 'You Are Sin'
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