Melissa Loves Johnny

Johnny Walker of 34 Creek Lane, Cloverdale is on the lookout for Melissa List and has been since Valentine’s Day. Both are students in the same 6th grade classroom at Confederacy Primary School. Melissa became smitten with Johnny on the day of their class Christmas Party. At 3:15 P.M. Johnny’s hand brushed up against Melissa’s while they were throwing away Christmas wrapping paper left from the class gift exchange. Melissa looked deeply into Johnny’s dark brown eyes and instantly fell in love. Johnny, not realize his precarious situation, made the mistake of smiling.

Johnny is now the target of Melissa’s desire. Melissa spends half the school day focused on the teacher and her lessons, the other half of the day she stares at Johnny. Melissa and her friends stalk Johnny on the playground during recess and lunch. Johnny’s friends are supportive and do what they can to protect Johnny by creating a human protective shield whenever Melissa’s gaggle get to close. Melissa writes numerous notes, only a fraction of which ever get to Johnny, thanks to his network of interceptors throughout the room. They apprehend most of Melissa's notes, write something nasty on them, and send them back. Yet, she still stands undeterred in her devotion. After all, he held her hand at the Christmas party and whispered, “I love you” at the trash can (her version of what happened).

Valentine’s Day was the worst day in Johnny’s life. This was the day his friends couldn’t intercept Melissa's sure to come Valentine. At the appointed hour the sixth grade students were dismissed row by row to deposit their Valentines in each other's decorated boxes. Melissa's row was the first to be called. Melissa made her rounds as the teacher monitored from the front of the class. The slowly moving ribbon of children froze to a stop when Melissa reached Johnny’s desk. They didn't want to miss what would surely be the best Valentine of the day. Johnny looked down at the floor - his face was dark crimson in embarrassment.

“This is for you Johnny,” Melissa cooed as she held out a pink envelope covered in unicorn stickers and rows of XO’s written in pink fluorescent pen. Johnny sat motionless. The pause grew awkwardly long.

“Johnny, Melissa’s has something for you. Be a gentleman,” the teacher saw the situation and acted to keep the Valentine exchange moving. Johnny continued to sit motionlessly.

“Johnny!” the teacher said sternly.

Johnny reluctantly looked up, held out his hand took Melissa’s Valentine. Giggles filled the silent void. Melissa stared down at Johnny and waited for him to open it.

“Open it,” she said impatiently. Several students jumped from their seats to watch, not wanting to miss this true act of puppy love.

Johnny opened the envelope and removed a card decorated in bright purple, pink and blue heart stickers. A note was written in the same pink ink. “You get ten Valentine’s Kisses. Love Melissa”.

The bottom of the card was cut with ten pull tabs, each reading "One Kiss” followed by a heart.

“Is there a problem here,” the teacher walked toward Johnny’s desk, pulling students away and pushing them ever so slightly back toward their own desks.

“No ma’am,” Johnny said as he quickly stuffed the Valentine into his box. It was the worst day in Johnny’s young life.

It has been one week since Valentine’s Day. Johnny has yet to cash in any of his ten gifted kisses. That hasnt‘ stopped Melissa. She pursues him relentlessly reminding him of her special Valentine gift.

Johnny asked for advice from his brothers, sister and parents. Instead of advice, his brothers laughed at him, his sister warned him to be nice and respect the girl’s feelings, his father gave him a punch in the arm and an “at’a boy” and his mother gave him a loving smile and wistful look as she remembered her first true love.

Johnny has three more months of school. It will be the worst three months of his life.

St. Bartholomew's Students Organize The No Cussing Club

A group of students from St. Bartholomew's Catholic School in Cloverdale are challenging classmates to clean up their language. Brandon Bend, Gage Beazard and Kira Coll are trying to organize the school's first, and as far as this author knows, the only No Cussing Club in Clovershire.

"Cussing has no place in our school," said Kira Coll. "Like, you can't walk down the hall without hearing someone saying something offensive."

"Rude, that's what it is, just rude," chimed in Brandon.

The Sisters of Ever Increasing Hope operate the school and welcome the group's initiative. The Mother Superior, acting on behalf of the school's council, is expected to take action on their request at a meeting Thursday. If the club is approved, the students plan on placing posters throughout the school reminding students that "Careless Talk" is not welcome.


"Careless Talk means swearing and dirty language, including dirty jokes," Gage said when showing the groups first posters, printed and waiting for the Mother Superior's permission.


The three 16-year-old students say it's not uncommon to hear several different swear words in one conversation in hallways. They say club members would be challenged not to swear for certain periods of time and not to tell dirty jokes.

Rupp's Farm Fresh Organic Eggs. A Must for any Respectable "Green" Cloverdale Household

Hafen and Helen Rupp with Bonnie, their best layer

Hafen and Helen Rupp own the little white house with picket fence and large green yard at the end of Clover Lane in Cloverdale. The house once belonged to Hafen's grandparents. Hafen inherited the home, along with the Rupp chicken enterprise, when Grandpa Rupp ruptured his spleen and went to meet Jesus. Grandma Rupp soon followed. Hafen's parents weren't interested in the property, having acquired a large home and property on the Coast of Despair near Tamworth on Tide. Hafen's father suffers from stress induced asthma and believes the sea air soothes his condition.

The Rupp's Sign on Clover Lane

Hafen and Helen are proud of their happy chicken organic egg business.

"They're happy chickens, and happy chickens lay happy eggs," Helen said as we walked through the small hen house on the back south corner of their property. The smell was disagreeable but I had to agree, the chickens seemed happy, or as happy as chickens could be. I noticed the rail line coming into Cloverdale ran just south of their property.

"What about the train?" I said. "Doesn't the rumbling and horn affect them?"

"No, they're use to it. Real troopers these hens. Nothing seems to faze them," Helen stopped talking and looked up to the sky to ponder an incoming thought.
" I tell a lie. Old man Smout's Great Dane can cause us a world of hurt when he gets loose. A real vicious animal. The hens and I don't like him at all."

Ainsley in her dinosaur costume ready for the day's run

Every day weather permitting, and four year old daughter Ainsley feels like a nice long wagon ride, Helen and Ainsley gather the day's egg collection, stamp them with the Rupp Lion mark, and venture to the shops on the High Street to sell their eggs.

"Moss Wonderland Bakery is our best customer," Helen said while reaching under a large brown hen to pull out a beautiful tan egg. "We also sell to the Piggly Wiggle and Red Owl. The Coop buys their eggs from the Chicken Warehouse on Highway One. I wouldn't eat one of their eggs for all the tea in China. Those chickens are not happy. Stressed is a better adjective. The Coop's only concern is price, forget quality."

Helen's words were filled with bitterness toward the Chicken Warehouse and their treatment of chickens. Helen has Clovershire's Agricultural Ministry on her cell phone's speed dial and calls them frequently with complaints about the Chicken Warehouse. The Ministry's secretary knows that if its a Monday and almost noon, there will be a call from Helen Rupp. Each one of Helen's phone calls are followed by an email. Each email has at least one of Helen's photos attached, taken of the Chicken Warehouse's operations with her Canon camera with telephoto lens.

If there are any eggs left after their deliveries to the shops, Helen and Ainsley will go door to door selling the left over eggs to maximise their profit. More profit means better feed and happier chickens - and isn't that what it's all about? And who can say no to a cute little girl wearing a green dinosaur costume standing on your doorstep with a wicker basket filled with beautiful organic eggs?

"And what about those that drive through Cloverdale on their way to the coast?" I asked as we walked back to the little white house with picket fence. Helen had tea and cakes ready. The cakes were made using happy eggs Helen was sure to point out. "Is there a way for them to enjoy the happy eggs of your farm?"

"Well, folks are welcome to stop by the house and buy directly from us at the door, or if they want to enjoy a freshly cooked happy egg, I'd recommend the Diner on Highway One. We sell to them on a regular basis. Our happy eggs make one fine omelet and the Diner serves breakfast 24 hours a day."

I sat down at the wooden table in the Rupp's kitchen. Helen and Ainsley sat opposite. Helen poured while I helped myself to the most delicious and moist devil's food cupcakes on God's good Earth.

Helen and Hafen with Betty. I came to realize the chicks have interchangeable names until they distinguish themselves either by temperament or egg production.

It was a pleasant afternoon spent learning the organic farm business. And if on occasion you see Helen, Ainsley and their red wagon on the High Street, please stop and purchase a dozen or so of their Happy Eggs. You'll be all the better for it.

Matthew Perry, A Forgetling.

Matthew Perry lives with his parents and sister on Cloverdale’s Maple Street. His mother always says that its a good thing their home is fastened to the Earth on a secure foundation because if it wasn’t, Matthew would lose it and the family would be homeless. Matthew Perry hears things like that all the time because he was born a Forgetling.

Forgetlings are people that have above average intelligent but can’t seem to remember anything they consider mundane. The term was coined by Professor Delp, head of the Psychiatric Department at Cloverdale’s Community College. He has a special practice working with Frogetlings. He has written several pamphlets on the condition and has been asked to present his research at several gatherings, the latest of which was to the Lutheran Woman’s Organization at the Saved By Grace Lutheran Church in Cloverdale.

Dr. Delp on his way to school. He likes to pause and ponder.

Professor Delp is considered to be on the fringe of acceptable practice by his fellow psychiatrists. He isn’t taken seriously, nor is his practice and research, but that doesn’t deter the kindly 64 year old Dr. Delp. He knows he is helping people suffering from this crippling social behavioural condition and that is all that matters.

Matthew Perry is a regular patient of Dr. Delp, visiting him every Thursday after school. He has been visiting the Doctor for the past seven months. His first appointment came after an incident at home involving his father's best tie. A suddenly forgetful spasm nearly resulted in a spanking sure to be heard up and down the neighborhood. Matthew's mother interceded on her son's behalf and stopped the punishment before it could be carried out.

It seems Matthew was running late for school that day and had misplaced his school tie. Matthew knew the consequences of arriving at St. Batholomew's’s Catholic School without one’s school tie. It meant in school suspension in the office of the Mother Superior of the Convent of the Sisters of Ever Increasing Hope. In desperation, Matthew entered his parent’s bedroom, found his father’s tie and put it on. It was too long. Matthew knew how to solve that problem with a pair of scissors. It was a serious lack of common sense in addition to being forgetful.

Dr. Delp diagnosed Matthew as a Forgetling after their first consultation. Shortly thereafter, he added another condition to Matthew’s file. He labeled Matthew Socially Unaware, meaning he was incapable of determining the proper course of action in any given social situation. When asked his feelings on being diagnosed with two mental disorders, Matthew shrugged his shoulders and asked if anyone had seen his misplaced left shoe.

Matthew will continue to work to overcome his handicaps with Dr. Delp’s help. If you, or someone you love, suffers from Forgetfulness please contact Dr. Delp at the Community College. His practice is reasonably priced and has been known to produce results, albeit limited.

Classical Music and the its Effect on our Young. Tonight on Cloverdale Weekend Television.

Tonight on Cloverdale Weekend Television's Sunday Classics, a discussion on the effect of classical music on a young and impressionable mind. Tonight's investigation will highlight the tragic consequences of a child's over exposure to Mozart. Sunday Classic's host, Myrtle Pedigrew will introduce us to a young Austrian singer suffering from serious side effects after repeated and prolonged exposure to Mozart.

"My boy was normal, once. Then she got hold of him," the boy's mother said in tonight's documentary. "He was just like the other boys in the neighborhood. He'd play football and hang out with his mates, then she showed up and told us what a fantastic voice he had and filled his mind with all kinds of rubbish about singing. We believed her and went along, not realizing what she was doing to him." In this quote, the mother refers to the neighborhood school's music teacher. The teacher turned down an opportunity to comment for the documentary, pending a lawsuit from the boy's parents.

The Documentary will present a once normal boy, now different. Today he is a boy who suffers from a debilitating illness which manifests itself with strange and abnormal bodily twitches and mannerisms.

"The boy considers himself normal because he sees others in the classically trained population exhibiting the same mannerisms. What he doesn't realize is that he has exaggerated those mannerisms because he isn't old enough to realize that he isn't a 40 year old prima donna, but a 13 year old about to be thrust into puberty," says Dr. Morgan during an interview in the documentary.

Be sure not to miss this story of talent and tragedy and the real world of classical music and its effect on our young. Watch Sunday Classics tonight on Cloverdale Weekend Television.